I haven't gotten sick at all. I feel nauceous at times when I really need to eat, but that always solves it. When people ask me how I'm feeling, and I tell them "I feel great!", the next question is usually, "How did you feel with your last two?" and I tell them that I was sick a lot more often with both of them. The expressions I get when I say that are concerning me. I guess you're supposed to feel the same with all pregnancies and yet, this one has been different. The funny thing is.... I have prayed that this one would be different, and that I would feel great all the way through! I have prayed that a lot since I first found out I was expecting.
So why don't I just trust that God is answering my prayer, instead of worrying that something may be wrong?
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding." Prov. 3:5
My own understanding is so warped and limited that I don't know why I'd even try to go there. Yet, worrying runs in my family. I think it's come down from a long chain of worry-ers, so I'm not sure how easy it would be to break it. In fact, if I let go of worry, then what would I do? I think that's a bit careless. I think I need more control over situations than that. I think it might leave me thinking there's more I need to be doing here. If I let go of worry, I might actually be able to sit down and relax for more than a minute, because I might actually be FREE to BREATHE, without having to make a list in order to not forget to do so!
Okay, I'm exaggerating a little on how much I worry. I really am more laid back than some worry queens I know. (You know who you are.) I just think it's silly that I'd trust more in my own understanding sometimes than I do the God who created this life inside of me. How can I possibly argue with the Father of Life, Elohim, creator of this world and every living thing in it? How is it that one minute I'm praying for something, and when I actually get it, I'm worrying that there must be something wrong? Oh, me of little faith.
So I'll be working on trusting God with ALL my heart and completely letting go of my own understanding (of which there is obviously little) and just breathing....for two.
Deep thoughts from the late 80's by Michael W. Smith: Pray for me, and I'll pray for you.
