1.23

January 23rd = Quite a day in the history of the Martin family

1998 - Luke, our first baby and only son, came into the world at 1:11pm to 24 year-old kids who didn't have a clue how blessed we'd be 19 years down the road. #Lukesbday19

2013 - Grace went for her first colonoscopy after losing 21 pounds and we finally got an answer to what was causing all the havoc in her little body:  Crohn's Disease.  (How thankful we are that she has had very few symptoms since the removal of her colon in November of 2014!)  #nocolonstillrollin

2017 - As we wait for LID/LOA/TA (translation: the process we are waiting for to get word we can leave for China), we celebrate our sweet girl's birthday.  We don't know how they decided on this date as her birthday, but yes...it's also her brother's.  Luke & Lottie's Chinese name also mean the same thing:  Light.  I believe this means they will have a special connection.  Thankful that our agency's liaison in China could send her a birthday party complete with cake for all her friends and that we got pictures back today - which brought tears of JOY as well as a great longing to be with her. #Lottiesbday3

Dr. Myrlene Kennedy

Every year around this time of year I get a bit nostalgic about a great time in my life.  I long for the days in high school when I would be memorizing lines, learning songs, and staying after school for long rehearsals in preparing for the annual high school musical.  I don't mean Disney's cheesy show.  I don't mean just ANY high school musical.  Really.  It.  Was.  Legendary.

I never could do it justice with the words describing it, and I hated for people to think I was wishing for my "glory days" or even bragging while trying to explain the awesomeness that was the Friendswood High School Musical.  I tried to tell my husband and when he did end up seeing it one year he was very impressed with the quality and talent, but I still knew deep down that he didn't get it.  He didn't experience it.  And I actually feel bad for him.  He missed something very special.

Tears come to my eyes thinking of my beginning with the musical in Friendswood.  I was a wide-eyed freshman, just happy to be in the chorus, as were all freshmen….every year.  It was 1988 and the musical was Mame.  It was breath-taking.  The seniors seemed like Broadway stars.  My part was just making sure I got on the stage for the chorus scenes.  I still have nightmares to this day about missing my cue or forgetting my lines.

The music was directed by my music teacher, a beautiful opera-singing Carmen-like voice and character, named Jane Ann Quevedo.  The drama teacher, Ms. Bennie Nipper, was new to me but like most drama directors a little nutty, and the choreography was by the sweet young drill-team director, Sondra Schaaf.  The entire show was produced by the scariest woman I'd ever heard speak and I was pretty sure I just wanted to stay out of her way.  She was the assistant principal of Friendswood High School, Dr. Myrlene Kennedy.

The next year I went to audition in front of all of these same ladies and to my surprise, and everyone else's I got the lead.  I have no idea to this day how that happened, except I was so shy and maybe a little afraid of boys like Marian Paroo.  They all seemed to be matchmaking as they told (now Baptist Pastor- foreshadowing?) Freddy Nelson and I to endure our first kiss (pretty sure it was his first kiss ever too!) in front of the entire cast on that bridge made by the Art class.  I don't remember much about the next few years, but I do remember the dress rehearsal critiques by alumni rock stars of the FHS musical, backstage quick changes, and the Great Fire of 1991.  I remember standing on stage in my pajamas with Rhett Perry in Pajama Game, and marrying Kevin Kabell in 1991 my senior year in Showboat.

…and I will always remember that I eventually made Dr. Myrlene Kennedy smile.  I remember beginning to feel at ease with her and not so afraid as she encouraged me to come out of my fear, like a coach pep-talking a player onto the field.  I learned that under that tough outer shell, she saw something in me I didn't.  In her own unique way, she inspired me to be more than I was.  My senior year I spent a lot of time in her office, as an office aide and I think just skipping classes. :)  She challenged me to take a math class that wasn't on my "on-level (loser) path".  She "Baptist Bet" me (read: no $ in this for anyone at all) that I couldn't do it.  I couldn't take Pre-CALCULUS.  And sure enough, I got a B.  I really showed her!  :)

Later after college I invited her to a senior recital I was having at my Dad's church in League City.  She honored me when she took the time to come, and her comment while leaving was "You should've gone to Baylor.".  Haha!  Oh I loved her.  Not many people can say that they were close to their….assistant principal in high school.  I thought of her as a great influence in my life.  We kept in touch and I got that amazing Christmas newsletter in the mail every year.  I loved that she loved her family.  She even had me call her sister on several of her birthdays and sing Happy Birthday to her.

I will miss her.  She passed away today, and I know all of her kids will miss her.  There must be thousands of us.

I think I heard that she was engaged once, but looking back I see that she had one love.  It was Friendswood High School.  The musical was her baby, and she had many kids.  Anyone who graced the stage can remember it like it was yesterday.  We were all blessed to know the woman that first scared us to death, but later challenged us and encouraged us to live life like we're on stage…

 I wish I could have hugged her one more time or heard her voice one more time.  I wish I could tell her how much I loved her and will forever be grateful that once upon a time, she believed in me.

Ostomy Surgery Day

Grace wrote on her hand last night a verse she wanted to take with her into surgery. "God did not give me a spirit of fear".  Now after the surgery she is demonstrating His power, love and sound mind.  With pain meds, she is coherent and calm.  We are thankful for all of the prayer and love poured out on our family today.

Therapy

I don't sit down to write because I don't sit down.  Much.  When I do sit down, or lay down...my brain is so tired that I feel the need to veg, like play a game on my phone that requires little to no thinking at all.  Sometimes I browse Pinterest and happen upon articles that make me go hmmm,  and I realize....I am stressed.  Stressed out.  Stressed beyond stopping to realize I'm stressed.  I'm not the type of person that analyzes my feelings and talks them out with the people around me.  I'm quite the opposite.  In the course of a day, feelings go by like a river current in the wind.  Days go by without much of a thought about how I feel, and suddenly I'm in the shower crying.  I have no idea why, but I'm just not one to sort out feelings in my brain from day to day.  I just exist.

I exist to: take care of my family, manage a household, teach my girls, teach a writing class at co-op, manage family finances, teach bible study and plan fellowships with college & 20s at church, make sure my family is fed and feel loved, make sure my older daughter gets to her doctor appointments and takes her medicines, make my younger daughter's lunches for school, help her do her homework and drive her to dance class, plan dentist appointments and flu shots and cheer for my son at football games.  Far and above all these things, I exist to glorify God.

I don't write because I'm too tired.  I'm too tired because I don't stop and write.  It's a cycle I know someday I will miss, but I do know I have to simplify.  I need to be more discerning about what is priority and what is not.  Why do I add things to my plate when it's already full?  I need to cut something, but what?  I know my heart is passionate about things and has distinct burdens only God could give me, but I don't know how to know where He's leading as a priority for me.  I sometimes feel like I'm the only one that has this burden so I must need to step up.  Maybe I feel like if I don't do it, no one will.  Maybe I think more of myself than I should.  Maybe I need to cut back to just caring for my family when I have a sick child, but I do not want her or any of my kids or hubs to become such an idol in my life, that I forget to trust Him first and foremost to do what He will in me and through me.  I want to fulfill the law of Christ by carrying the burdens of others, but I'm so tired from carrying my own.

I don't know what I need, but I knew I needed to write.  It's easier to sort out how I feel as I'm writing, I think.

Pause for random thoughts:
I can't find my colander.  It's a small thing but it's annoying.
I don't understand why the government is shut down and I don't have time to research it enough to know why.
I get more "I love you"s from my son in the line of a drive-thru than anywhere else ever.  I guess it's true that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach....even a man child.

I'm back from random land.  Not really.  I live there, but at least I'll visit reality once in a while.  Reality is....life is hard.  For everyone, not just me.  Everyone has a full plate.  Everyone is busy.  Everyone has burdens.  Everyone suffers in one way or another.  Everyone has something God gives them that puts them to the test, the faith test.  Does my faith stand up in the midst of suffering or fall?  Is my house built on The Rock, or the sand?  Where will I find my source of strength?  Where will I look when the waves of emotion swell?  These are the questions to find answers to, in order to continue putting one foot in front of the other.  Breathe, pray, repeat.

Maybe it's time to count my blessings again. Thankfulness always precedes a miracle, I've heard.  I could use a good miracle. Stay tuned...

Pictures = 1,000 Words

Day in the Life

• Brad took both kids to school today for me so I had an unusually leisurely morning.  "Leisurely" being very relative and thus, the reason for this post so that someday when my kids are grown and gone I can remember....a day in this life.
• Wake up to Moriah asking to read "Brown Bear, Brown Bear What Do You See?" for the 347th time.
• Make a list of goals for the day over a cup of coffee and ready the Sunday paper for coupon clipping. (never actually got around to it....maybe tomorrow)
• Look over and add to a list of prayers and read "Jesus Calling" while Moriah watches Dora.  Post the previous blog.  (2 in one day.  When it rains, it pours I guess.)
• Get Moriah dressed for gymnastics and get her there by 10:30am.  Made it on time - yes!
• Watch her adorable pig tails skip and flip and roll around for 30 minutes while I text my realtor, talk to other moms with sweet babies and make a grocery list.
• Go by PetSmart to get dogfood. 
• Take an overdue book back to the library through the drive-thru. 
• Get a few groceries at Kroger to make sure kids have healthier breakfasts than the sugary cereals in my pantry and my husband has his ready supply of Diet Coke.
• Home to start laundry, put groceries away, get some lunch and let Moriah play for 20 minutes in the driveway in her new Barbie Jeep.
• Rest time.  She went with her blanket & fell asleep almost immediately.  I laid down on my heating pad and caught up on facebook, which is mostly about KU making the Final 4.  Eh.
• 2pm wake up Moriah and go to a doctor appointment, where they all know our family by name and we've only lived here 6 months.  Something is seriously wrong with that.  Played "I Spy" in the waiting room, then Moriah went to hang out with her favorite nurse while I had "my picture taken".  
• X-rays show that my back is fine and diagnosis is severe muscle spasms.  Severe is right.  Just thankful to not have to spend any more money on health, and also thankful for insurance.  Moriah was thankful for 2 lollipops and a princess sticker.
• Grace calls wondering why I haven't picked her up from school, so I call Brad to please go get her & Luke since I'm still at the dr.  He was coming home early anyway because he has a meeting tonight that could be late.  (9:15pm and he's still not here, so yep.)
• Go to CVS to fill prescriptions.  Call my mom to get a quick recommendation for the best allergy medicine and tell her how my x-ray went.
• I come home to continue laundry, make Moriah's lunch for preschool tomorrow and pick up around the kitchen.  She, meanwhile, has put on her bathing suit to go outside to play. Well it was 85 today.
• Brad leaves for his meeting and sweet friend from church, Kathee Sharp, brings taco & nacho fixings for our dinner.  Not the first sweet church member to come serve us since I hurt my back.  Soooo thankful!
• Eat dinner and watch DVR'd "Full House" episodes to veg out before the big STAAR tests tomorrow.  "You got it, Dude!"
• Give Moriah a bath, while other 2 kids fold laundry.  Efficiency at it's finest.
• Send kids to bed with prayers and kisses.  Sit down to remember this day.
• Oh.....and questions that came randomly throughout the day. (Moriah talks constantly by the way.)

• Am I FIVE yet?  --She just turned 4 on March 5th.  
• Want to play the guess that song game?
• Why are the hair on your eyebrows so weird?  (maybe it's time for a wax?)
• How do you spell Aunt Carrie?
• Why does my papa live in heaven?  (hardest one to answer by far.)
• Is it almost Christmas?  
• Is a puppy a person?
• So that's life with a 4 year old.  Never boring, I tell ya but so so blessed.

Waiting...

I have been feeling the overwhelming blessedness of His presence all weekend after a few weeks of pain and waiting on God for the healing & today my favorite devotion book "Jesus Calling" summed it all up.... "Waiting on God enables you to glorify Him by living in deep dependence on Him, ready to do His will. It also helps you to enjoy Him; in HIS PRESENCE is fullness of joy. Psalm 16:11 Amen. Be blessed today, my friends.


What you can pray for me, if you so feel the Spirit lead...

• My back would heal completely and not cost as much as I'm afraid it will, being that I rode in an ambulance for the first time ever and wasn't nearly as exciting as you might think.
• I'm having my first colonoscopy this Friday due to very serious family history of colon cancer happening at a young age.  I'm apparently the type that can't go every 5 years or wait until I'm 40 to go, which really doesn't worry me as much as annoy me that I'm going to have to experience the preparation the night before.  (google it if you're lost.  details would be TMI, if I haven't gotten there already.) 
• I've also been told I need monthly shots of B12 which will give me more energy - Yay! - but shots really?  Pray I'll get over being a big wimp, I guess.  God knows with a 14, 11 & 4 year old I could use more energy!
• Pray for my 2 big kids this week.  STAAR testing takes place in Texas this week and it's apparently relative to the SAT/ACT.  They'll do fine.  Just pray for their endurance to get through it.
• We have a showing on our house tomorrow (Tuesday, March 27).  God is good.  He's got this. 
• I'm so very honored to be writing a devotion for a book full of devotions for Pastor's Wives by Pastor's Wives.  I've got one week to finish.  Please pray God will multiply my time and I can still give my family the "devotion" they need as well.  More details about the book later.

Waiting on God has been such a blessing.  I pray you are waiting on Him too.  How can I pray for you?

December

Lists are my life.  Lists, lists everywhere!!!!  Sorry it's been so long.  If you're here, it means you really love me....or you're really lost.  Either way, hi.  I'm enjoying life.  I miss homeschooling but have cherished the time I've had with Moriah playing and ok yeah, even homeschooling.  She's a smart little cookie.  Speaking of cookies, here's my December lists so you know where I've been....

• Baking cookies using my 4 POUND bag of chocolate chips from the pounding (see below)
• Going to church Christmas parties, about 15 all together by the time we're done!  Great way to get to know the people we've grown to love!
• Christmas shopping----online.  Oh yes!  Almost completely done in my PJs.  And that my friends is how you KEEP your Christmas spirit!  ;)
• Wrapping presents as they show up at my door.
• Decorating this beautiful blessing of a house God has given us....mantle pic coming soon.
• Voice Recital--have loved teaching my sweet girls (and one boy) and they performed a Christmas recital at the beginning of this month.
• Laundry---Boring I know but it's on the list because I do it....a LOT!
• Pinterest....yep my new favorite.  So many ideas, so little time.  It sparks creativity for sure!
• Reading to Moriah & listening to her read the books she knows!  "5 Little Monkeys", "8 Little Ladybugs", "Brown Bear, Brown Bear" & my favorite is when she reads her Bible....  

".....And then Jesus got a chipmunk on his shoulder!!!"  

Her translation & vocal expression makes it very exciting!

• Helping with homework and keeping up with grades online!  
• Studying Isaiah and blessed by the HOPE I have knowing Jesus is the Messiah and that this world is not my home.  Thy Kingdom Come!!!
• Praying our 2nd home in Kansas would sell.  It seems to be God's glory in progress, as we've struggled with why and what we're to learn from it.  We know God has a purpose and we're trusting His perfect timing.  To God be the Glory!
• Driving.  Seems I do this the most these days.
• Looking forward to the kids being out of school and spending time together again.
• Looking for ways to bless others.  I've been so blessed.  Lord, give me Your eyes to meet needs the way Jesus, our Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God & Prince of Peace did and still does today.

Acclimated & Blessed

Oh my goodness.  Blow the dust off your screens.  It's been a while.  I tried to clean out the cobwebs by getting a new background, but it's still awfully quiet around here.  If you go over to facebook or pinterest, you may see more movement, but even twitter has gotten the shaft lately.  There is just way too much going on in my over-stimulated mind to put down into 40 characters.

But since you obviously didn't come here expecting to spend too much time reading....   (Actually, if you are here at all, you must really love me.  *By the way, Hi 'Chelle!)  I will put down a timeline of what I've been doing over the past few months.  August was a blur.  September was... Wait, is September over already?!  *sigh*  I do heart fall.  So glad it's here but I'm not sure that Texas got the memo.  Maybe that's why I'm so discombobulated.  I think I'll go back and start with July.

July 10 Shady Oaks Baptist Church calls Brad to be their pastor.
July 14 Brad & Luke go to Brazil (see Mission trip blog) while the girls & I go home and start staging our house to sell.
August 6 We receive an offer on our house.  (Note:  That's less than 3 weeks on the market, in a market that's not selling, in a town, much-less a neighborhood that's not selling....Oh, and at the end of a triple-digit heat wave, with a pool.  Sorry about the heat wave, Kansas, but thank you, God for that selling boost!)
August 14 Last day at RiverPoint Church, Drive to Texas
August 17 Moving truck arrives at our rental house with all of our possessions.
August 19 Offered a job teaching voice at a middle school close to our new house!
August 22 Luke and Grace start school!  Luke is starting 8th grade and playing football in his last year at middle school!  He's in Advanced Placement Science and getting good grades in everything!  Grace, after K-4 homeschooling, is starting 5th grade which here, is the last year of elementary school.  We decided on public school after much research and have loved it!  All 3 of Grace's teachers have told her that "the most important part about them is that they are Christian".  Praise God!  Grace is now Gracie to all of her classmates, but Mom's not budging.  She'll always be my Grace Caroline!  Grace enjoys choir and reading and has friends in our neighborhood that she wants to play with daily!
August 30 Moriah begins Preschool 2 days a week at a church down the street from our house.
September 3 Open House for staff, search committee and all those who helped us move in to our new house.
September 6 Start teaching voice on the days while Moriah is at preschool.  Luke's football games begin every Tuesday in September & October!
September 15 SPARK SEATTLE trip - My favorite trip ever!  God is so good.
September 24 My mom's surprise birthday celebration reunion with friends and family back in Kansas!

What miracles!!!  See what God has done!  I'm overwhelmed with His provision and love and blessing.  My friend, Hopie, texted this a while back and I still think how wonderful God's blessing is....

Definition of blessed:  "one is pronounced blessed when God is present and involved in his life.  The hand of God is directing all his affairs for a divine purpose and thus the person lives before the face of God."


Hearing Rich Mullins' song "Hold Me, Jesus" the other day, I realized that right now....He is King of my glory.  There are times in life, and have been times and will be times again when I need Him to be my Prince of Peace.  But right now, I'm praising the King of my glory for directing all of His affairs for a divine purpose and that I am getting to live before the face of God.  It's a beautiful place to be!  *sigh*  It's good to be back.  Thanks for dropping by.  I hope you are BLESSED today.

Martin Cafe Dinner Table

We have a nasty old dinner table that has seen better days.  One leg has been super-glued at least 20 times, and still has a bad slant.  The chairs were painted.....back in the day (of which I blogged) and so the paint is now chipping off.  The top has an entire paragraph written sharpie that smeared off during a science project, plus several other "artworks" permanently etched by the younger members of the house.

But I wouldn't trade it for the finest dining furniture money can buy.

It has memories.  It has 6 chairs, which say "there's always room for one more".  It's a casual place for conversation, and a desktop for education.  It welcomes friends and family, young and old.  It's so Martin-ish, which takes quite a uniqueness to say, trust me.

When my kids were little and they wanted to eat out....which they did quite often and the hope was always for McDonalds....bleck!....I would tell them we WERE eating out at a fancy-schmancy little cafe I'd heard about called "Le Cafe Martin".  It didn't take long for them to catch on.  Even today, when Moriah wants to go to "Ladonalds", Luke will tell her we're going to the Martin Cafe....which I love.  I love that our family has it's own place to call our own where we sit together and eat and talk about the things we think about......random mostly, because we Martins excel at random, but sometimes the random leads to the eternal and that's a really good place to sit.

I like what Ronald Reagan said....

All great change in America begins at the dinner table. 

20 Year Reunion

I can't go, but this song expresses how I feel about Friendswood High School, Class of 1991. I had to fill out a bio for the reunion, so thought I'd share...

Education: _Friends University, Wichita KS, Bachelor of Music, Vocal Performance 1996

Jobs: _Homeschool Mom, Pastor’s Wife, Private Voice Teacher, Music Director/Teacher for Christian Youth Theater Wichita, Spark Ministry Worship Leader & Speaker

Family Information: Married Brad Martin in 1996, Luke Ashton (12), Grace Caroline (10), Moriah Natalie (2)

Travel: DisneyWorld, Cancun, NYC, Reno, Colorado, Dallas, Oregon to visit Betsy!

What has been the most unique/exciting experience of your life (outside of marriage and children)?

After 11 years in music ministry around Texas, my husband felt called to start a church in Kansas. We moved back in 2007 and started with 6 people. We now serve and lead a family of 400+ at RiverPoint Church in Newton, Kansas.

I wish I had (but didn’t) while attending FHS: Thanked my teachers more often and appreciated the adults that invested in my life.

My most memorable moment from FHS: The big auditorium fire, The Music Man, The Pajama Game & Showboat, Drill Team dances in the stands (oh was football going on too?), and lifelong friendships made.

Tell us some good deeds that fellow classmates did for you (some random act of kindness or at least not still punishable by law) from the good old days in high school (you can tell more than one story here):

In high school, I was blessed to have great friends that were like family, fun & inspiring teachers, and a wonderful church family. I’d say that little town was aptly named, but I don’t think any of this kindness was given by anything random or because I deserved it but because of the rich heritage of this town, the God served there and His great love for us… Ephesian 2:4-8.

I have been changed "For Good".

My Grandpa

I recently visited my grandma in Plains, Kansas. I took pics around her house of my grandpa, because I didn't get to know him very well. He died 30 years ago, at the young age of 56. Grandpa Frank was in the military. He was a very good looking man. My dad looks a lot like him, and so does my little brother.

My parents met when they were in junior high in Plains Kansas when my mom's family moved to town as Pastors of the Friends Church. My dad was immediately asking her to "go with" him but she wasn't easily persuaded....until later in high school.

The coolest thing to me is that my Grandpa Frank was saved in the church where my other Grandpa Hutson was the pastor. So thankful for and blessed by that.

The marriage certificate behind the pic says they were married in 1944.

This was the last picture taken of him.

I can't wait to see him again in heaven.

*BIG Sigh*

Today I'm paying hospital bills for a baby I didn't get to have.

Sometimes life just isn't fair.

But....

I am praising God that I can pay those bills and for answered prayers and for wisdom to do what is best for our family. Thankful for peace that passes understanding and for the promise He gives that I can hang onto....Jeremiah 29:11.

Repeat after me...."hope and a future.....hope and a future....hope and a future....".

So, here's to new plans (that weren't my plans) for a fabulous, fun-filled fall. Who's with me?!

Yay for Energy!

Busy day here but feels good to have accomplished so much!! I have so much more energy than I have in the last few months, so I feel like I'm making up for it by getting everything done that I wanted to but never had the energy to....

Today I...

• Gave Moriah a bath while I...
• Cleaned and organized the bathroom, then I...
• Went to the store for more laundry detergent + more, so I could do...
• 2 loads of laundry, meanwhile I...
• Mailed my friend, Kelsey, a birthday card.....and
• Organized the girls' room & Moriah's clothes & shoes (growing fast!), then I...
• Cleaned out the playroom toys, so I have 3 bags to give away and few to the church!
• Sorted extra HG stuff to sell to my friend whose now going to sell it! (I'll give you her name & contact info when she starts, so you know where to call!)
• Ordered 3 wedding gifts and a birthday gift online.
• Read some books to Moriah.
• Made a salad, lasagna & garlic bread for dinner.
• Read a few chapters in my Kingsbury sequel, "Take Two". (Love it!)
• Went for a walk with Brad, which I looked forward to all day.
• Sat down to write a list of what I'll do tomorrow with all of this energy....

La Vida Loca

These are my last few hours at home before the 9 days of craziness begin. I'm driving in to ta-town every day starting today at 3:00 for dress rehearsals and performances begin next Thursday-Saturday twice per day. I'm reminded of why I didn't choose this as a career again, but enjoying it as a break from the norm. Spending time with my Gracie girl has been fun and seeing her enjoy this as much as I always have is priceless! I am missing my big boy and my baby, but she's gotten Daddy even more wrapped around her little finger, and Bubba just earned his blue belt, so that's priceless too. So proud of my little eclectic and well-rounded family.

May not be blogging for awhile, but stay tuned....the first week of March is POTTY TRAINING TIME!

I like to sing, I like to dance, but I can't do it with Poopy in my pants!!!!

His Story

I am His story. He is the author of your story too. When I think of my part in His story, it reminds me of a great quote in Beth Moore's study of Esther...

"Discontent with selfishness and weary of ego, we finally become willing to lose ourselves to something greater. In doing so, we find Christ as we've never known Him and, there, pooled in the reflection of His eyes, startle to discover that a part of ourselves resembles Him."

I remember that moment in college after writing my mission statement out as part of my application to Cincinnati Conservatory of Music. I had to tell why I wanted to pursue a Masters in Vocal Performance and what I intended to do with it. Someday I'll put what I wrote on this blog. I still have it. It's part of God's story. It's a moment in time when He speaks through the words as I type, and very lovingly and gently He directs my attention to what is deeply rooted in my heart....Him. I wanted to do His will and follow Him, like I told him so long ago but I got so caught up in elevating myself that I got lost and entangled in sin, ego and selfishness.

A fork in the road, January 1996, took my life on the journey I live in now thanks to that moment in my God-written story....in love with Jesus, Brad's partner in ministry and Mommy to 3 beautiful blessings. Thanks be to God who loved me enough to call me back to Himself and give me grace to lead me in the hope and future He already had planned for me.

His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. I Peter 1:3-4

Why Serve God?

When I was in high school, I asked my youth pastor a question. At the time, I was a "good girl". I even had a t-shirt that said I was, and had a group of friends with those t-shirts, too. It's funny now, but it was just a fad then. I remember this question because I was confused about things I'd grown up in church learning and wanted to know basic answers to what life was all about. I didn't understand why some people could be blessed so much, and still follow the ways of the world, while I was trying so hard to be holy and didn't seem or feel blessed at all.

"What difference does it make if I am good or not?"

In other words, what good is it for me to be good? WHY follow Jesus? WHY serve God?

And for the next 5-10 years, I searched for those answers. Searching is good. I'm still searching and will never have all of the answers until I die. But that was/is part of my experience, my testimony, my journey to my salvation. [By the way, my youth pastor didn't answer me. I'm not sure if he didn't know how to answer me or if I seemed pious and judgmental as I asked, but I remember feeling embarrassed that I asked. A lesson for youth pastors: I Peter 3:15]

The first answers came as I wanted to know what GRACE was all about. That was the first word I studied in-depth. Then I studied FAITH, which is being sure of you what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see. (Use Beth Moore's Believing God study for a good reference or just Hebrews 11.) This belief I have in God is based on the faith I have in Him and His word....who He says He is (God IS Love & then I studied His names in the OT- Kay Arthur has a study called Lord, I Want to Know You that I have done 3 times and still would do again.) When you study His names, you also are studying His promises in His Word. They go hand in hand. Then I studied my identity in Christ, finding in His Word every time it says "I am..." or "We are...".

I am changed into a new creation of flesh and spirit because of the Holy Spirit's dwelling in me as soon as I let Him in. This FAITH increases every time I put my FAITH in Him and let Him work in my life. By His GRACE I am saved from myself and the pit of sin I lived in. The pit of sin was darkness, loneliness and an emptiness in the hole of my soul. It's pull on my life made me feel worthless, like there was no way I could continue on in this life. What I learned later was, if I wasn't serving God....I was serving Satan by default. God placed that hole in my soul, then waited as a groom waits for His bride, as a gentleman, and when I found out I couldn't live without Him anymore, He rescued me. He picked me up, dusted me off, turned me around and said "There is a difference and I AM the difference." I've learned that it isn't about being good, it's about being God's.

I love knowing that someday because I have FAITH in the eternal inheritance He has waiting for me when I die, that I will see what I've been hoping for and certain of. I will see Him: my Savior, my Father, my Teacher, my Friend, my love.

Malachi 3: ¹⁴ "You have said, 'It is futile to serve God. What did we gain by carrying out his requirements and going about like mourners before the LORD Almighty? ¹⁵ But now we call the arrogant blessed. Certainly the evildoers prosper, and even those who challenge God escape.' "

¹⁶ Then those who feared the LORD talked with each other, and the LORD listened and heard. A scroll of remembrance was written in his presence concerning those who feared the LORD and honored his name.

¹⁷ "They will be mine," says the LORD Almighty, "in the day when I make up my treasured possession. I will spare them, just as in compassion a man spares his son who serves him. ¹⁸ And you will again see the distinction between the righteous and the wicked [translated in hebrew as "restless"--translated by Sal as trying everything to fill that void other than the One who created it.] between those who serve God and those who do not.

I found this the other day and it reminded me of this question and how sometimes we forget why we're serving God when the people of the world look like they're being blessed, whether they are serving Him or not. We don't see the big picture, but He does and trusting that He does is another part of my FAITH. I love being His "treasured possession".

Thank you God for inviting me to serve You. It's an honor to be Yours.

If you want to hear more stories of those who've chosen to serve God, spend some time here.

Driving in the Air

This is the last of 3 posts. So start below with "Driving".

^{Isaiah 51:3}

The LORD will surely comfort [Sally] Zion
and will look with compassion on all her ruins;
he will make her deserts like Eden,
her wastelands like the garden of the LORD.
Joy and gladness will be found in her,

thanksgiving and the sound of singing.

This past month I've been reading and studying Esther and watching this story unfold without the blatant mention of God but knowing He's working behind the scenes. Then this past week while on the plane rides, I read "Same Kind of Different As Me". I loved it and highly recommend it. It's a true story by 2 men and it's an amazing testimony of God's evidence in life's ups and downs and how He gets the glory no matter the twists and turns, but it's not because He's a God who forces us to be His slave or needs the glory at all. He's a compassionate, gentlemanly God who would never leave us alone but would never force us to come to Him and love Him. Jesus was a gift to ransom me out of the pit I was in. I'm thankful now that God didn't leave me, even when I was ungrateful or forgetting Him along my journey.

I've been on a 40-day personal hike with Jesus. It's day 28 and I'm more in love with Him than ever. In the midst of this time, it seems like He's shown me my story in a rearview mirror. It's like He's reminded me of all that He's done for me and in me, as an encouragement to press on (keep driving) in this great life He's given me and driving with me.

In just the past 2 weeks:

• I accidently drove past my elementary school after attending an opera at my college (where I was kinda bitter that they never did those when I was there....oops, off subject!)
• I've been prompted to pray for the pastor's wife at the church I grew up attending.
• I sang in my college alumni choir with Brad, several college friends and my favorite teacher. (Yep! 1st grade and she's still beautiful!)
• I got to be there to stay with her kids when my sister went to the hospital to have her little girl.
• I got to spend time with my dearest high school friend, Betsy in Oregon.

Oregon looked like another country to me. It was beautiful and natural and peaceful. Betsy fits there perfectly. We had a good time sharing the other half of each of our lives that we'd left 18 years ago. She still finds the most amazing beauty in the simplest things and in the most unexpected places. Spending time with her again was all I wanted for a long time and Brad saw my heart and gave me that gift. I can't tell you how it refreshed me. I don't really know why it meant so much except that when you have loved someone for that long and that deeply and the friendship is still strong after years go by, it's because the bond was in Christ to begin with. It's because HE never leaves you, so time is not a factor because time is not a factor in His eyes. It's like getting a hug from Jesus, because He is the one that kept you together for all of those years. I emailed her today that I'm praying that Jesus would build our mansions next to each other so we can be neighbors in Eternity, and I hoped she was okay with that. :)

On the flight home, which was also a gift by a pilot friend in our church for a very discounted price, the lovely flight attendant came to me and said "Mrs. Martin, 6A is open for you." I really thought I'd have to ask her to repeat that, and if you know me, you know that I do that often. I almost laughed out loud and cried at the same time. I got to fly first class. I have never been so spoiled in all my life. I felt like Julia Roberts at the opera. Do you know what first class gets? Well let me just tell you. First you get these big ol' seats with amazing fold out trays that I didn't even know how to work, so I asked the nice man next to me, interrupting his game of Solitaire on his laptop. Then, we got a "snack"!! A big plate of fruit and hunks of cheese, pretzels, nuts and crackers! Oh my gosh, coach peeps were only getting drinks! I almost felt bad, but then I looked out the window and there were mountains everywhere! With snow! And Oh, it was breathtaking and that's when I cried. I stopped and just cried cuz I knew that God was smiling at me through those clouds, saying....I know. I know you. I know you like nice things. And I'm blessing you for being content, or at least trying. But do you see how thankful you are right now? That's because your heart is right and you've done without and that's when the contentment you've been looking for can flow in. That's what I'm doing in you.

And then...you're not going to believe this and I probably shouldn't even tell you so please don't go to the airport and turn up your nose in envy at the first class flyers just because you read this...but...

*whispering*

they brought me a WARM chocolate chip cookie, and I mean it was not just a little puny Pillsbury one either. It was like huge and heavenly and it melted in my mouth and I didn't even care how many calories it was, I just ate it. And it was so good.

And I just sat in that chair in the sky and thanked God for that big, sweet, chocolatey kiss....content and singing "Give me Jesus" all the way home.

Driving

ohhh *sigh* where do I begin? God has been stretching out my heart in all kinds of places. I think I'll just list for you my thoughts and expound on them from there. Warning, this could be a long one, so I may have to post this as a series.

Thought #1

I love my husband. aLOT. He blesses me and serves me waaay more than I deserve. He does irk me sometimes in little ways, too like while driving, but he says it's just because I'm not in control. I say it's just because I don't want to die. But that's the adventure of living life with him. He takes me for a ride that usually scares me and is too far out of my comfort zone, but teaches me to let go and trust God to take care of me at the same time. His adventurous spirit is why we are here. It's also a reason I married him.

That brings me to yesterday, in our DRIVE series at RiverPoint; (now THAT's a segway!) he preached about giving and while talking about giving sacrificially, he brought up our call to come to Kansas. It is the first time I really remember crying during his sermon... tears of joy. (The first time I cried tears of mourning was Christmas Eve 2007, when I dreadfully missed our beloved church in Plano.) God has been working out my discontentment and I realized at that moment that He'd brought me a long way, if I could actually be thankful as Brad spoke about our move. I was happy and content, and that was an answered prayer of mine. God did that in me.

I remember sitting in our comfy living room on Eldorado with butterflies in my tummy knowing that things were about to change and my ground was shaking... again. Brad was talking to Tom about coming to pastor a new church plant in Kansas, without a name, without a place, without knowing anything about planting a church, and without any funds. with 4 other people. 4.

Now I was used to listening on the other end of the phone calls when another church was asking him to come be their music minister. I was getting used to the idea of moving. I was sorta used to meeting new people. I was used to him asking the question regarding his salary. I got used to the answer increasing with each phone call. So that probably made all of those other things I had to get used to....a lot easier. Amazing the balm that money is on the nerves of a material girl like me...and Madonna apparently. But that phone call was much different than all of the others. The answer to the question about our salary, our well-being, our family's future was, as Brad said "I. don't. know." He hung up and my ground stopped shaking. But he was wrecked. God was stretching Brad's faith and I was along for the ride. And just like in the car, I was whining and screaming and slamming the imaginary passenger's side brake. I'd never seen my husband take that big of a leap of faith and I was so proud, but then -hold the phone- he wasn't the one managing our money. He had no idea what kind of miracles it would take to say yes to a call like that. He had no idea what kind of commitment he was getting into when we had accrued so much debt, living on the salary that we had been living on. He stepped out in faith. I stepped in something else and left the footprints of it wherever I walked, sure that no one would notice if I were wearing designer shoes and a smile....

to be continued.

40 Days

God has been gently repeating to me these words: 40 days. So today starts my 40 days of being diligently focused on Him. I'll be devoting more time in His word, starting out by reading all of the times someone spent 40 days doing anything in the Bible. I'll be praying for purpose and clarity in my life. And today after reading and praying Psalm 37....I know God is calling me to forgive, let go and press on. He is also encouraging me to simplify. I'll check back but these are busy days in the life of Sal, so please be patient with me. He's still working on me.

He's still working on me. To make me what I ought to be. It took Him just a week to make the moon and the stars the sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars. How loving and patient He must be. He's still working on me.