The Truth about Your Pastor

I don't know if you know this or not, but your pastor is a lot like you. Some days are harder than others. Some days it's harder to rejoice in The Lord. Some days, even though we know the joy of The Lord is our strength, we are just too tired to find the joy.

Pastors need encouraging words. My pastor happens to also be my husband. I am praying for the gift of encouragement and words that would speak life. I am asking that you would pray for your pastor, whoever he is. He takes the burdens of this world and although he is free in Christ, he sometimes needs encouragement to get off of his knees and walk freely!  Anyone might need uplifting after a year of too many funerals.  Anyone might need an encouraging word after years of encouraging others. He is just human after all. 

I think he might need help finding a little joy, a little faith, a little hope but the greatest of these...is love.

Show your pastor some love. He just might really really need it. 

Marriage Top Ten

My Top 10 Favorite Pieces of Advice on Marriage:

10. Give and Take nothin'.....it's all about the GIVE.
9. The opposite of love is not hate, it's selfishness. Deny self.
8. Regarding the remote: Get TIVO or a good book! 
7. Say when you're wrong, zip it when you're not. 
6. Pray often....("The Power of a Praying Wife") 
5. Have a mentor that's been there to share with, and pray for you.
4. What's going on in the bedroom, mirrors what's happening outside of it. 
3. Affirm, Encourage, Compliment, ACT interested!!!!
2. In times of desperation:  Find a Christian counselor and a get a marriage check up.  But also, get the movie "Fireproof" and the book "The Love Dare"....watch the movie together and then read/do the book!!!! 
1. Find out what his/her "Love Language" is, and speak it daily.

Like Spaghetti and Venus

He’s a morning person….I’m not.

He has a clean closet….I don’t.

He is a germaphobe….I wipe noses with my hands. (Not just anyone’s nose, btw.)

He lays down and is out….I lay down and wait for my brain to shut off.

He’s a verbal processor….I’m naturally contemplative.

I may think & then talk about problems….He finds solutions to problems.  Charge!

He’s an idealist…I’m a realist.  ("I don't think so, Tim.")

He’s competitive…I am not.  But it is quite fun beating him at cards.

He has a slapstick sense of humor, I have more of a dry, sarcastic wit.  *I'm smarter. Duh*

I’m an oldest child, He’s a youngest, but a firstborn boy.  If you know anything about birth order and you know us personally, you may have an "Aha!" moment.          

He apologizes easily and quickly; I need time to think.

He likes the dark; I like the light.

I love puzzles, games and books…He loves vegging in front of the TV...in the dark.

I’m strong-willed but also passive, He’s strong-willed and aggressive!  Guess who wins?

He doesn’t mind PDA, I do…gross!

I plan ahead…He likes to be impulsive.

He seems to thrive on change...I am learning it's not so bad, but heaven better be the next place I move to or there might be trouble, people.

I'm stubborn...He isn't.  Bless his little heart.

I multitask….He compartmentalizes. 

He likes books about leadership...I like books about relationships.

So what I've learned is I'm like spaghetti and he's from Mars?  Does it really matter?  We were created differently, but we're not from separate planets or in any way similar to pasta.  We were God's second try, with added details, emotions and outer beauty, but apparently weaker in the temptation department, based on our Great-Grandma Eve's flesh-filled need for wisdom.  **spoken like the Church-lady** And feel free to adlib her famous line here.  He was created to provide, care for and work the land.  Duh, duh, duh....Superman!

Yep.  We're different.  Time to get over it, celebrate it, embrace it or whatever you'd like to do with it...just don't use it against the other.  There's no point in trying to figure each other out, just go with it.  What God has joined together, let no one divide.  Amen.

Show Him Some Love....14 Days is Here Again!

WIVES....You have been invited to 14 DAYS of VALENTINES LOVE is a decision. When we marry, we have committed to continue to choose US every day for the rest of our lives. And not only do we choose us every day, but we fight for us with everything we've got, because what God unites, Satan wants to divide. We commit from the bottom of our hearts to work out every detail that seeks to destroy us. We have chosen US....until death do we part. This is a great time of year to show your husband you'd choose HIM all over again. Even if you're in a season where this might seem too difficult, this 14 days is for you! You CAN turn things around! Commit to pray for Him for 14 days. That's it! Encourage your married girlfriends to do the same and spur one another on toward love and good deeds...(Hebrews10:23-24) You may also want to BLESS your husband daily with small gifts or encouraging notes starting February 1st through February 14th. Be creative!! Tell him how much you love him and thank God for him! Here are some ideas: 1) Have someone/several others at his job or in his daily life help you leave cards on his desk for him to find. 2) Cards at the Dollar stores are usually 2/$1, get a box of valentines or just hand-write your own. Think of 14 different reasons you love him, and write one on each. 3) Leave his favorite candy or treat with a little message on it. (Pop Rocks: You ROCK my world, OR a Bottle of Orange Crush: "I still have a CRUSH on you!) I think you get the idea. ;) 4) Take him lunch from his favorite takeout and have a carpet picnic in his office! 5) Plan a date night with a theme that revolves around HIS favorite movie. I'm sure you have other creative ideas or links to creative ideas, so leave a comment! Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. Eph. 5:22 MSG Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. Mark 10:9 NIV

VALENTINES DAY....Praying for Our Marriage

Lord, I pray You would protect our marriage from anything that would harm or destroy it.  Shield it from our own selfishness and neglect, from the evil plans and desires of others, and from unhealthy or dangerous situations.  May there be no thoughts of divorce or infidelity in our hearts, and none in our future.  Set us free from past hurts, memories, and ties from previous relationships, and unrealistic expectations of one another.  I pray that there be no jealousy in either of us, or the low self-esteem that precedes that.  Let nothing come into our hearts and habits that would threaten the marriage in any way, especially influences like alcohol, drugs, gambling, pornography, lust or obsessions.  Unite us in a bond of friendship, commitment, generosity, and understanding.  Eliminate our immaturity, hostility, or feelings of inadequacy.  Help us to make time for one another alone, to nurture and renew the marriage and remind ourselves of the reasons we were married in the first place.  I  pray that [my husband] will be so committed to You, Lord, that his commitment to me will not waiver, no matters what storms come.  I pray that our love for each other will grow stronger every day, so that we will never leave a legacy of divorce to our children.

Amen and Happy Valentines Day.

For more wonderful prayers to pray over your husband and your marriage, check out The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian.

Day 7....Praying for His Talk

Lord, I pray Your Holy Spirit would guard my husband's mouth so that he will speak only words that edify and bring life.  Fill him with Your love so that out of the overflow of his heart will come words that build up and not tear down.  Work that in my heart as well.  May Your Spirit of love reign in the words we speak so that we don't miscommunicate or wound one another.  Help us to show each other respect, speak words that encourage, share our feelings openly, and come to mutual agreements without strife.  Lord, You've said in Your Word that when two agree, You are in their midst.  I pray that the reverse be true as well--that You will be in our midst so that we two can agree.  Let the words of our mouths and the meditations of our hearts be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, our strength and our Redeemer (Psalm 19:14)

Taken from The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian

Day 1...Praying for His Wife (that's me!) ;)

Lord, help me to be a good wife.  I fully realize that I don't have what it takes to be one without Your help.  Take my selfishness, impatience, and irritability and turn them into kindness, long-suffering and the willingness to bear all things.  Give me a new heart and work in me Your love, peace and joy (Gal.5:22,23).  Make me a tool of reconciliation, peace and healing in this marriage.  Make me the kind of woman he can be proud to say is his wife.  Show me what unconditional love really is and how to communicate it in a way he can clearly perceive.  I pray that our commitment to You and to one another will grow stronger and more passionate every day.  Breathe Your life into this marriage.  Give me a fresh perspective, a positive outlook, and a renewed relationship with the man You've given me.  Help me see him with new eyes, new appreciation, new love, new compassion and new acceptance.  Give my husband a new wife, and let it be me.

Taken from The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian

My Week

I've learned over the years that it's in my nature to choose my projects/priorities wisely because when I do something, I'm going to do it at 100%....all the way or not at all.

Even when it comes to getting STREP.

I mean it was ugly.  Increasingly throughout the day last Monday my ear & throat began to hurt....and then hurt badly!  I'll spare you the gory details, but give God the glory by saying remember rack, shack & benny....in the fire?  He was there.  Yep, and he sent an angel several times who remembered what time it was and when I needed to take meds, who took care of my children, the house, took me to the dr. (twice! and btw, the shots hurted.) and let me sleep alone in my big king sized bed.... ok, in this instance I think the germaphobe angel was more afraid to sleep with me than anything, but nevertheless...I was thankful.  I finally awoke from my mucinex/nyquil-induced coma yesterday afternoon.

Coincidence that Brad is teaching right now on the temple of the Holy Spirit...our bodies....keeping them clean and healthy....fasting....eating healthier....hmmm?

Oh yes, and I had just finished reading "Reshaping It All" by Candace Cameron Bure all about cleaning out body, mind and spirit.  Or that I'm speaking in a few weeks on setting Godly goals and making big changes in your life, one little step at a time...while not having 1 iota of the ability, strength, or energy to take even one step.  Coincidence?  I think not.

Spiritual warfare stinks and it hit our house, namely me, BIGtime.  Thankfully, because of the snow, we didn't miss a whole lot because most everything shut down.  I'm even more appreciative and thankful for my husband/angel who worked so hard to keep everything going here, and me alive! :)  We are praising God even in the storms, and please pray that no one else in this family gets this nastiness...so far, so good.  God is so good.

Now, where's my list...and also, where's the Lysol?

Three words...

Marriage takes work.

That is all.

Here's a bible study I found from FamilyLife that you can do with your spouse to keep the fires burning or reignite the fires or whatever...you know the old camp song... ;)

Four Weddings Friday Night!

Just a reminder:

I sang "The Prayer" in a wedding this summer that is set to be on a reality show on TLC (Wichita channel 43/Cox cable) called FOUR WEDDINGS this Friday night, Oct.1st at 9:00pm. (Set your DVR if that's past your bedtime.) ;)

I may or may not be seen during the ceremony but I did have to sign a waiver. There will be 3 other brides/weddings in this episode (hence the name) so be on the lookout for AMY & LAUREN. Amy is the daughter of my good friend, Molly in Plano, who started SPARK ministry, which I've gone on many mission trips speaking and leading worship with her.

There are beautiful pictures taken of her on this amazing photographer's blog. Check it out! SHE'S BEAUTIFUL!!!!

Resting

Today was the first time in 14 years of being married to a minister, that I actually "rested" on the Sabbath Day. I mean really rested. I've taken naps after church before. I don't mean that kind of rest. I didn't even nap today. I just....rested.

Brad has been off this week, taking a bit of a rest from work. Planting a church is hard work. My husband is a hard worker, no matter what he does. He can't put just half of his heart into anything, but even more so when it comes to His passion for leading people to Jesus. He still did a wedding, led a couple of prayer meetings and had quite a few "phone meetings", so it wasn't complete rest, but I'm really proud of him for seeing the need to stop and stay home more. He's done things around our house that I've had on a list since we moved here in September. For instance, I now once again have my beloved porch swing. Ahhhh....bring on the sweet tea! I also have a new mailbox and lovely flowers planted around it. (I did the flowers...part of my restful Sunday.)

The other day he sent me a document via email. It was simple. It just said....

Fills Drains

....Followed by a series of lines below. He has been reading "Leading on Empty", and explained to me that he wanted to know what fills me and what drains me. Once we have it figured out, he said we'll go out on a date and discuss it.

Can I just stop here and say....Wow! I love that man! I love that he reads books like this and thinks of me and wants to work on our marriage and wants to spend time with me....*pause for daydreamy love montage set to Air Supply's "Even the Nights Are Better"*

Okay, I'm back.

So then I read a blogger friend's post about this book and it inspired me to list these things right here on this here blog! Susanne's post will also explain the book mores since she has read it, and I have not.

Fills Me:

• Time with God
• Reading
• Singing
• Exercising
• Being Outdoors
• Free time
• One-on-One Time w/loved ones
• Blogging/Writing
• Creativity
• Shopping
• Intellectual/Spiritual Conversations
• Being Inspired
• Giving Advice
• Laughter, serious belly laughter
• Sleep

Drains Me:

• Being a Leader
• Trying to stay organized
• Housework/Unending tasks
• Things that don't seem to ever get checked off the list
• Nagging people/Nagging thoughts
• Crowds
• Expectations
• People who Judge
• Money Frustrations
• Schedules
• Manipulators
• Ignorance
• Deadlines
• Trying to have a conversation with people who mumble
• Negativity or "Debbie Downers"

So what fills you? I hope to rest more often with the things that fill me. Mostly, I hope to continue to be filled with and rest in the love of Christ, so that this list of things that fill me become the icing on the cake, and make dealing with the things that drain me....like buttah.

Eph.3:17-19

I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

A Marriage Moment

Please don't wait until it's too late to get marital counseling! Most couples, especially men, think that counseling is only for those contemplating divorce. It's not, it's like a prevention method and it works. Yes, I will tell you how I know....

Brad & I went to counseling at 7 years of marriage. We just felt disconnected. I didn't feel like we were friends anymore, like we used to be. I think that's more common than I realized at the time. When we went for our first session, we got a rating of 7 based on a 1-10 scale, 10 being divorce, 1 being honeymooning bliss. That was the first session. Then we went deeper in the second session, and after feelings were openly expressed and tears were shed, we were given a rating of 9....on the brink of danger.

The counselor gave us steps to take together. I remember that we needed to decide together and verbally commit ourselves to each other again. I remember writing lists of all the things I loved about Brad, what drew me to him in the first place. I remember that that was hard to do. I remember that we were told to dream, make plans and share our future hopes together. We began to pray for each other. Praying for someone always draws you closer to them, because Jesus loves them and gives you the love He has, as He speaks to your heart the words you need to pray. When I'm absolutely ticked off at Brad, the hardest thing to do is pray for him, but if I want my marriage to work then it's the most necessary thing I do for him.

Marriage is work, but so worth it when it's blessed and fruitful. Don't just let your marriage lie stagnant. Don't assume this is just how it is with 3 kids and the stuff of life. Don't assume anything. It takes 2 to tango. Do your part. Don't just do your part. Go the extra mile. Don't just make it work. Make it RED HOT!!! If that seems like a long shot, marriage counseling may just be for you. It's worth it, trust me.

Be alert for the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. (IPeter5:8)

For my Valentines

❤God, the Father: Thank you for being LOVE. Thank you for creating me and the love of my life. Thank you for loving me before I ever came to be.

❤Jesus, the Son: Thank you for the ultimate gift of giving Your life for me. I love you for knowing me and thinking of me while you were on the cross. Your grace sustains me daily and I can't wait to hug and kiss you in one day in heaven.

❤Brad: Thank you for filling my cup every day, making me laugh and for knowing me fully and loving me anyway. I'm blessed to share life with you and I still look forward to growing old with you.

My favorite day is coming....

Brad doesn't like the pressure I put on it. I don't think it's pressure. I just love love. Isn't he glad I'm so in love with him? I don't expect the moon. I really just want quality time and maybe a present.

I don't understand why men think we're so difficult.

How hard is it to give us chocolate and tell us we're pretty?

Put a little love in your heart.

Autumn Romance

Reasons we think that fall is a very romantic season:

• We first started dating in the fall....each year of college. :)
• We love the movie "When Harry Met Sally".
• We both like to wear warm clothes.
• We like to snuggle when it's cold.
• We love the smells of fall...apples, cinnamon, pumpkin, coffee.
• We have colognes just for fall, that make each other melt.
• The colors of fall are peaceful and warm.
• We start Christmas shopping for each other.
• We have spontaneous Starbucks dates.
• We look back over the year, thankful for all that God's done.

God has given us to each other as husband and wife.

We want our love to be a deep and lasting reflection of His love for us.

We believe that genuine love is not a feeling; it is a commitment.

We have committed our lives to Him and to each other.

We realize that apart from the indwelling, controlling Spirit of God,

it is impossible for us to fulfill this commitment.

Our confidence is in His ability to produce in our lives that which is pleasing to Him.

We are utterly dependent on His grace to enable us to live out this commitment for the rest of our lives.

30-Day Encouragement Wrap-Up

How has this challenge changed your heart and life? I am more in love with my husband now than ever. When I didn't have words to encourage him, I used what I had....serving him, little gifts, hugs, kisses, support as he disciplined the children (whether I agreed with him or not) and I even wrote him a letter....because sometimes it's just easier to write down my thoughts. (I know!! Shocker.) He is stronger, therefore more attractive to me than ever, because I've lifted him up and not brought him down. I want to be his greatest support and speak blessings and wisdom into his life, because as a pastor who has to do that for others; he needs someone to do that for him. I want to be his encourager, his cheerleader, his side-kick, his fan. The cool, unexpected result was....the more I encouraged him, the more he encouraged me, or wanted to serve me, or bless me in sweet little ways.

Did God encourage you as you planned ways to encourage your husband? God let me see my husband through His eyes many times and in many ways. My husband is a good man. He has a huge heart, and loves me with the full capacity of it, no matter what kind of mood I'm in. No one on earth could love me like he does. Even more sexy to me is that fact that he loves God with that huge heart even more than he loves me. When he's relying fully on the Lord, I'm resting secure because I know that our marriage is firm and grounded in the solid promises of God's Word. And since my biggest need is security and my needs are being met, then I feel safe enough and strong enough to meet his needs, the greatest being.... respect. It's a cycle that has to be started somewhere... and a result that ends in a happily ever after....literally.

Were there difficult days where you simply needed to trust that God was working? I think this 30 days was perfectly planned (ordained) because we moved into a new house; and if you've ever moved, you know there is added stress. Through that stress came confirmation after confirmation that God has His master plan in place. (well duh I know...but sometimes don't we need to be smacked over the head with stuff!?!) Honestly, over the past 2 years since we've been in church-planting, I've "encouraged" my husband to quit. Yes quit. More than once. Ministry isn't fun most of the time. It's hard. People can be mean and I'm very protective of those that I love. This move and the unity that has developed in our marriage has taught me several things, but the most important is to keep on trusting that God IS working. He works for the good of those who love him. There will be days when it's difficult, but that's when God is encouraging me in the words of my grandpa to "keep on, keepin' on" ...the best is yet to come.

September Challenge

30 days hath September....so let's do something of significance together. Let's encourage our husbands and therefore, make our marriages stronger. Sign up here to receive the daily challenge email and make an eternal difference in your marriage. I got this idea and am participating with Suzanne over at Truly Captivating so join us and we'll encourage each other in this adventure. Won't our men just LOVE this!?!!!!

Click on this link and then this one:

"The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life." (Proverbs 31:11-12)

Wedding Survey

1) When was your wedding day? August 3, 1996

2) What day of the week was it? Saturday

3) Where did you get married? Tyler Road Baptist Church in Wichita

4) How many in your wedding party? I had 6 bridesmaids (Carrie, Kelsey, Julie, Jenny, Terri, Heather), 1 jr. bridesmaid (cousin Abby) & 2 flower girls (Paige & Morgan-2), Brad had 6 groomsmen & 4 ushers.

5)Where was your reception? at the church (Would change this in a heartbeat if I could go back in time!)

6) What was your first dance song? no dance :(

7) How many guests attended your wedding? about 400

8) How long did you know each other before you got engaged? um, know? 10 years if you can the years we were in junior high together. 5 if you count college years.

9) How long did you wait to Tie The Knot after your proposal? 6 months

10) Who was your photographer & videographer? Paul Foster, friend of my parents. Uncle Ed videotaped. Now I tell everyone to spend the most $$ on this because it's what lasts forever. Nothing else will.

11) Did you have a DJ or a band? nope, but we had lots of music in our wedding.

12) Did your father walk you down the aisle? Yes and he performed the ceremony.

13) Did you have a Bridal Shower? Yes, a few.

14) What type of limo did you get? um, a very short one. I think it was called a Buick.

15) Where did you go for your Bachelorette/Bachelor Party? Hmmmm, Old Town, I'm sure of that. Julie and I had ours together, and I remember feeling very close to her by the end.

16) What type of wedding gown/tux did you two wear? A white one that made me look like a princess! He wore a tux.

17) How was the weather? HOT! Record highs 100+!

18) Where did you go on your Honeymoon? Aspen Hotel & Colorado Springs Bed & Breakfast

19) What was your favorite part of the day? walking down the aisle and seeing his tears

20) How long have you been married? 13 fun-filled years

Whole-Hearted Marriage

Recently I read this article by Focus on the Family and it got me to thinking about marriage....

Being married 13 years means we've experienced a lot of ups and downs in our relationship by now. There are days when we hurt each other with our words, whether we mean to or not. There are days when we choose other things over each other, without considering the other's needs. There are days when we just can't seem to communicate well no matter how hard we try. There are days when it's hard to say the words "I love you" because we don't FEEL the love.

But here's where the word marriage and our commitment changes everything. Here is where the Bible can guide us into the blessing that God intended for marriage to be. We know that love is a decision. We chose this on that August day of '96. We have committed to continue to choose us every day for the rest of our lives. And not only do we choose us every day, but we fight for us with everything we've got, because what God unites, Satan wants to divide. We commit from the bottom of our hearts to work out every detail that seeks to destroy us. We have chosen US....until death do we part.

Under this mindset, every fight that we have, every discussion we endure, and every tense moment between us is founded on the security that there is hope and a future on the other side. Sadly, there is no way a marriage can continue half-heartedly. Marriage requires each person to give their whole heart to the other and to this relationship. This truly happens when each heart is seeking God and centered in Him, knowing that God IS love and that His love always includes forgiveness.

In Matthew 18, Jesus is teaching about forgiveness...

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Then (not coincidentally) in the very next chapter, the Pharisees test Him, asking a question about marriage....He answers:

"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." Matthew 19:4-6

Marriage is hard but when the whole heart is in it, it's wonderful and passion-filled and intimate, and blessed because the love runs deep. Pray that God (who IS Love) will dwell deep in Your heart, so that it's full for the one you gave your heart to and chose on that day of wedded bliss however long ago.

13 Years Ago....