ChildLife Faith

One of my favorite things about this hospital besides the great doctors and nurses is something very valuable and precious called ChildLife.  The ChildLife Specialists are trained to teach and inform patients of their upcoming surgeries, but our favorite thing they do is bring crafts and things to do to make the hospital a better place to stay!

As soon as Grace had questions for her doctor about the surgery, he sent our GI ChildLife Specialist, Kimberly to our room with tons of stuff for Grace to see.  Grace wanted to know how the bag would stay on, so Kim showed bags and books and explained the entire process, using this doll.  The more they talked, the more Grace smiled.  

Then she asked the question that made me cringe a bit:  "Is it going to hurt?"

After the surgery, Kimberly explained that her stomach would hurt some, but that she would have pain medication readily available to her.  Grace has had kidney stones and remembers the pain well.  She said that she had had the machine where she gets to push the button if it hurts to give herself more medicine.  Kim thought she may not need that this time, but it's possible.  She talked about the pain being the worst when they would ask her to get up and walk soon after the surgery, because obviously she will have to use her tummy muscles in order to get up.  Kim jokingly asked, "Wouldn't it be nice if we could stand up and walk without having to bend?" and Grace replied nonchalantly and using her hands to speak, "Jesus could take His hands and stand me up, just like that!" And just as nonchalantly and without hesitation Kimberly responded:  "Yes He can and He will and He will be with you every step of the way, so don't forget that!"

In that moment I know God's face shined.  I know Jesus smiled.  I know mountains moved and the enemy shuddered. 

You might ask why all of this is happening to us.  You might wonder if we think God has left us or deserted us…BUT He is here and He's showing us Himself in these moments, as He is increasing the faith of little girl that already trusts Him more than most.  

Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. Matthew 17:20

Grace's Testimony

Grace and I will be leaving for Mission Arlington this Sunday together with the junior high students in our church's youth group.  She worked on writing her testimony for a few days and here is what she wrote.  Pray for her as she has a chance to use her story to lead other kids to Jesus.

Hi, my name is Gracie, and this is my story of how I came to know Jesus. Before I met Jesus I felt that I needed to be saved from sin and myself. The important things in life for me were serving myself and not really caring about others. When people asked me about Christians, God, and the Bible I wouldn't really know what to say because I had not really known about Jesus but now I would tell them that Jesus is the son of God and He died for our sins so we could live forever. In order to become a Christian I prayed and asked my parents to help me understand more. I heard the story of the Lord's Prayer and became more curious about what happens when Jesus comes. Then I realized that I wouldn't be afraid anymore because we would be in a better place with Jesus when we die. Now that I've become a Christian I have the Holy Spirit living inside me. In January I was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease and because I have Jesus I had courage while I was in the hospital.  I prayed and wrote down scriptures in God's Word which made me feel comforted, more at peace and loved by God.  Now I'm not afraid about what will happen to me because I will be with Jesus!

Jesus and Me

My relationship with Jesus has had some ups and downs just like every relationship. When I was little I saw him as my superhero and in high school as my knight in shining armor. I talked to him every night in my bed. In college though after spending hours a day thinking about me, I pretty much worshipped myself, so I guess you could say I cheated on Jesus. I didn't talk to him, spend time finding out more about him or asking him questions. I spent a lot of time focusing on me. I ended up with a hole in my soul that I couldn't fill with anything or anyone. I was lonely and empty and tired of trying to be who I thought Jesus and everyone wanted me to be.  I felt homeless and abandoned in a world of selfish people.  It seemed to me like Christianity was more like work than a loving relationship. If I looked at the church for examples, I felt loss and disappointment. 

It took a mission statement paper I was writing to get into grad school to realize I was missing an important piece of who I was truly meant to be. I realized at that point that the hole was a place only Jesus could fill. Over time I learned I didn't have to try. Jesus loved me just for me. No more, no less. That is grace.  His grace set me free. But I still didn't trust people in His church, so how could I trust Him?

NOW that I'm 40 what I know is....relationships don't work well if you only focus on yourself. Marriage taught me that.  They also don't work if there is no trust.  When I did go back to spending more time learning about Him, I found that I didn't know Him at all.  I met Him when I understood that I could trust Him and little by little He showed me more of himself but only when and if I was looking. He was a gentleman. He didn't force Himself on me but gave me the time to get to know him better. In my younger years I would go through moments wondering if He ever thinks of me. I might go weeks wondering if I never picked up His Word.  Then in some usually random way that would only speak to crazy me, in a voice it seemed like only I could hear, I hear Him and I know and I trust a little more. Relationships are strange things for us to define because we humans are always changing. We grow up thinking we know everything and the older we get, we learn how little we know.  People come and go. People change, but Jesus never does.  He proves himself over and over if you let him. He doesn't have to but he does. 

I'm not sure the exact moment that I can say I trusted Him because that happened over time. I know that the times when it was dark and I used to wonder if He was there, have changed to times when I trust that He is because I know Him. That's faith. It might be as small as a mustard seed but it is faith.  And although people still can't be trusted, I choose to trust them because I trust Him.  I love them because He loves me.  I choose to trust Him because He once chose me.  I cheated on Him, but He forgave me and He does and He has every day since.

Today I'm thankful for that missing piece in my life that only my relationship with Jesus could fill. It might sound cheesy and so 1989, but at 40 I'm ok with that!  I'm completely in love with Jesus, who not only loves me but He died for me. When can you say you last had a friend do that for you?  When can you say you had a friend that stuck around even when you focused on yourself?  When was the last time you looked for Him?  If your heart is beating and you know He's speaking, His Word is a good place to start.

Good Friday

For the JOY set before Him, He endured the cross. Heb12:2

Thankful He endured the cross....for me.
Thankful for the joy set before us.
Thankful for hope and healing.
Thankful for these Gethsemane moments.
Thankful for brokenness & forgiveness.
Thankful my heart is in His hands.

Love so amazing so divine
Demands my soul my life my all

A Day to Remember

On the 15th anniversary of becoming a mommy I collided with the biggest challenge of my mommyhood. Grace's tests showed Crohns and she was admitted to the hospital. I think it felt like an earthquake happened in our little consultation room when the doctor told us that. I had my bible opened to Isaiah 43 and it was as if those pages were all I had to see and touch to be still and safe in the midst of that earthquake.

January is ordinarily such a calm month. Calendaring, making soup, planning Luke's birthday and trying to stay warm are usually all of the main events.

Prayer warriors are lifting me up or I'd be a basket case right now. (what does that term even mean?) It's dark in this room and my baby is sleeping but I can't. This must be one of those times when it's good to have some of God's Words stored away in my heart, even if they aren't exact like "The Lord will go before me. Do not be afraid. The Lord himself will fight for you." He will fight for us. We don't have to. Praising Him for a diagnosis I can grab onto and move forward with. The unknown had me all baskety-casey. (See that doesn't work.) And Grace seems to be taking things in bits at a time, as she should. Her big tears came while calling her brother to tell him happy birthday. She misses him! Her little sister cannot come see her because she's too young and there's a strict rule because of flu season, so she is bummed about that but I'm sure Moriah will make lots of pictures to decorate her room!
She knows her tummy is going to heal but she is not happy about NOT eating or drinking for a while. She knows she could be here a week or so but the iv in her hand is what bugs her the most. This is a teaching hospital so my normally easygoing girl had seen one too many doctors when she decided she was ready to punch one in the face! She may be in for a wild ride on this collision course but I'm right here with her and our God promises to never let go...through the calm and through the storm, in every high and every low.

Isaiah 43 (SAL version) when you pass through this time in Grace's life, I will be with you.

The "don't know" times are God's instrument to drive you deeper into Him, to surrender all self-reliance for a desperate dependency on Him. You may not know which way to go, but you don't have to stand there fearful, paralyzed or marching in circles. Your Lord, your Shepherd is placing His arm inside yours to lead you where you could never go without Him. (from gospel.com)

 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil.4:6-7

Who Likes Change?

Here's an acronym for the word change by Susan Miller.


C- Cling to God!  Hold on to Him with all your strength.
H- He is immovable!  His presence will never leave you.
A- Always trust Him!  Trust that He knows what lies ahead.
N- Never give up!  Press on, keep moving forward, and keep your eyes focused on Jesus.
G- God will make the "rough places smooth"!  Be reassured as you read His word and abide in Him.
E-  Expect a few bumps on the road!  The reality of life is that everything will not go smoothly all the time.  If you expect some bumps along the way, you can be prepared, have a plan, and pray, pray, pray!

Praying for Jenna

I've been following a family on twitter that I feel very close to during such a sad time in their lives. I know it's because we have a bond in Jesus, and because my family experienced something similar when I was a child. It's hard to hear the pain. It's heart-wrenching to hear the fight is ending. It's faith-strengthening to know that this mother is clinging to God with all that she is. It makes me stop and pray for her every time she tweets, and it makes me run to hold my babies a little tighter. It makes me remember my mom's tears and how I sat at her feet for weeks. My mom says I wouldn't leave her side and I cried every time she cried. I usually don't want to think of this time in my life, but it's healing. It's also what God has called me to do in 2Corinthians 1:3-4, since I was once comforted by His great love.

I have been reading the family's blog and left this comment:

"I will pray, especially for Jenna. I was 8 when my baby sister died. I can tell you that because I knew Natalie was in heaven with Jesus, it brought me comfort to be able to pray. I'd lay in bed each night asking Jesus to tell her Hi for me and all the things I wanted her to know about our family and life in general. Her life brought me closer to Jesus, and I can't wait to thank her when I see her again one day. Jenna will be given supernatural strength that will make her able to perceive things in her little life with more depth than the average child her age. Her soul is forever etched with her sister's love and she'll easily be able to "set her mind on things above" because part of her heart is there. Praying God's great comfort for your whole family."

I am committing to pray for their 9 year-old, Jenna. Please pray for her with me.

His Story

I am His story. He is the author of your story too. When I think of my part in His story, it reminds me of a great quote in Beth Moore's study of Esther...

"Discontent with selfishness and weary of ego, we finally become willing to lose ourselves to something greater. In doing so, we find Christ as we've never known Him and, there, pooled in the reflection of His eyes, startle to discover that a part of ourselves resembles Him."

I remember that moment in college after writing my mission statement out as part of my application to Cincinnati Conservatory of Music. I had to tell why I wanted to pursue a Masters in Vocal Performance and what I intended to do with it. Someday I'll put what I wrote on this blog. I still have it. It's part of God's story. It's a moment in time when He speaks through the words as I type, and very lovingly and gently He directs my attention to what is deeply rooted in my heart....Him. I wanted to do His will and follow Him, like I told him so long ago but I got so caught up in elevating myself that I got lost and entangled in sin, ego and selfishness.

A fork in the road, January 1996, took my life on the journey I live in now thanks to that moment in my God-written story....in love with Jesus, Brad's partner in ministry and Mommy to 3 beautiful blessings. Thanks be to God who loved me enough to call me back to Himself and give me grace to lead me in the hope and future He already had planned for me.

His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. I Peter 1:3-4

Why Serve God?

When I was in high school, I asked my youth pastor a question. At the time, I was a "good girl". I even had a t-shirt that said I was, and had a group of friends with those t-shirts, too. It's funny now, but it was just a fad then. I remember this question because I was confused about things I'd grown up in church learning and wanted to know basic answers to what life was all about. I didn't understand why some people could be blessed so much, and still follow the ways of the world, while I was trying so hard to be holy and didn't seem or feel blessed at all.

"What difference does it make if I am good or not?"

In other words, what good is it for me to be good? WHY follow Jesus? WHY serve God?

And for the next 5-10 years, I searched for those answers. Searching is good. I'm still searching and will never have all of the answers until I die. But that was/is part of my experience, my testimony, my journey to my salvation. [By the way, my youth pastor didn't answer me. I'm not sure if he didn't know how to answer me or if I seemed pious and judgmental as I asked, but I remember feeling embarrassed that I asked. A lesson for youth pastors: I Peter 3:15]

The first answers came as I wanted to know what GRACE was all about. That was the first word I studied in-depth. Then I studied FAITH, which is being sure of you what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see. (Use Beth Moore's Believing God study for a good reference or just Hebrews 11.) This belief I have in God is based on the faith I have in Him and His word....who He says He is (God IS Love & then I studied His names in the OT- Kay Arthur has a study called Lord, I Want to Know You that I have done 3 times and still would do again.) When you study His names, you also are studying His promises in His Word. They go hand in hand. Then I studied my identity in Christ, finding in His Word every time it says "I am..." or "We are...".

I am changed into a new creation of flesh and spirit because of the Holy Spirit's dwelling in me as soon as I let Him in. This FAITH increases every time I put my FAITH in Him and let Him work in my life. By His GRACE I am saved from myself and the pit of sin I lived in. The pit of sin was darkness, loneliness and an emptiness in the hole of my soul. It's pull on my life made me feel worthless, like there was no way I could continue on in this life. What I learned later was, if I wasn't serving God....I was serving Satan by default. God placed that hole in my soul, then waited as a groom waits for His bride, as a gentleman, and when I found out I couldn't live without Him anymore, He rescued me. He picked me up, dusted me off, turned me around and said "There is a difference and I AM the difference." I've learned that it isn't about being good, it's about being God's.

I love knowing that someday because I have FAITH in the eternal inheritance He has waiting for me when I die, that I will see what I've been hoping for and certain of. I will see Him: my Savior, my Father, my Teacher, my Friend, my love.

Malachi 3: ¹⁴ "You have said, 'It is futile to serve God. What did we gain by carrying out his requirements and going about like mourners before the LORD Almighty? ¹⁵ But now we call the arrogant blessed. Certainly the evildoers prosper, and even those who challenge God escape.' "

¹⁶ Then those who feared the LORD talked with each other, and the LORD listened and heard. A scroll of remembrance was written in his presence concerning those who feared the LORD and honored his name.

¹⁷ "They will be mine," says the LORD Almighty, "in the day when I make up my treasured possession. I will spare them, just as in compassion a man spares his son who serves him. ¹⁸ And you will again see the distinction between the righteous and the wicked [translated in hebrew as "restless"--translated by Sal as trying everything to fill that void other than the One who created it.] between those who serve God and those who do not.

I found this the other day and it reminded me of this question and how sometimes we forget why we're serving God when the people of the world look like they're being blessed, whether they are serving Him or not. We don't see the big picture, but He does and trusting that He does is another part of my FAITH. I love being His "treasured possession".

Thank you God for inviting me to serve You. It's an honor to be Yours.

If you want to hear more stories of those who've chosen to serve God, spend some time here.

Driving in the Air

This is the last of 3 posts. So start below with "Driving".

^{Isaiah 51:3}

The LORD will surely comfort [Sally] Zion
and will look with compassion on all her ruins;
he will make her deserts like Eden,
her wastelands like the garden of the LORD.
Joy and gladness will be found in her,

thanksgiving and the sound of singing.

This past month I've been reading and studying Esther and watching this story unfold without the blatant mention of God but knowing He's working behind the scenes. Then this past week while on the plane rides, I read "Same Kind of Different As Me". I loved it and highly recommend it. It's a true story by 2 men and it's an amazing testimony of God's evidence in life's ups and downs and how He gets the glory no matter the twists and turns, but it's not because He's a God who forces us to be His slave or needs the glory at all. He's a compassionate, gentlemanly God who would never leave us alone but would never force us to come to Him and love Him. Jesus was a gift to ransom me out of the pit I was in. I'm thankful now that God didn't leave me, even when I was ungrateful or forgetting Him along my journey.

I've been on a 40-day personal hike with Jesus. It's day 28 and I'm more in love with Him than ever. In the midst of this time, it seems like He's shown me my story in a rearview mirror. It's like He's reminded me of all that He's done for me and in me, as an encouragement to press on (keep driving) in this great life He's given me and driving with me.

In just the past 2 weeks:

• I accidently drove past my elementary school after attending an opera at my college (where I was kinda bitter that they never did those when I was there....oops, off subject!)
• I've been prompted to pray for the pastor's wife at the church I grew up attending.
• I sang in my college alumni choir with Brad, several college friends and my favorite teacher. (Yep! 1st grade and she's still beautiful!)
• I got to be there to stay with her kids when my sister went to the hospital to have her little girl.
• I got to spend time with my dearest high school friend, Betsy in Oregon.

Oregon looked like another country to me. It was beautiful and natural and peaceful. Betsy fits there perfectly. We had a good time sharing the other half of each of our lives that we'd left 18 years ago. She still finds the most amazing beauty in the simplest things and in the most unexpected places. Spending time with her again was all I wanted for a long time and Brad saw my heart and gave me that gift. I can't tell you how it refreshed me. I don't really know why it meant so much except that when you have loved someone for that long and that deeply and the friendship is still strong after years go by, it's because the bond was in Christ to begin with. It's because HE never leaves you, so time is not a factor because time is not a factor in His eyes. It's like getting a hug from Jesus, because He is the one that kept you together for all of those years. I emailed her today that I'm praying that Jesus would build our mansions next to each other so we can be neighbors in Eternity, and I hoped she was okay with that. :)

On the flight home, which was also a gift by a pilot friend in our church for a very discounted price, the lovely flight attendant came to me and said "Mrs. Martin, 6A is open for you." I really thought I'd have to ask her to repeat that, and if you know me, you know that I do that often. I almost laughed out loud and cried at the same time. I got to fly first class. I have never been so spoiled in all my life. I felt like Julia Roberts at the opera. Do you know what first class gets? Well let me just tell you. First you get these big ol' seats with amazing fold out trays that I didn't even know how to work, so I asked the nice man next to me, interrupting his game of Solitaire on his laptop. Then, we got a "snack"!! A big plate of fruit and hunks of cheese, pretzels, nuts and crackers! Oh my gosh, coach peeps were only getting drinks! I almost felt bad, but then I looked out the window and there were mountains everywhere! With snow! And Oh, it was breathtaking and that's when I cried. I stopped and just cried cuz I knew that God was smiling at me through those clouds, saying....I know. I know you. I know you like nice things. And I'm blessing you for being content, or at least trying. But do you see how thankful you are right now? That's because your heart is right and you've done without and that's when the contentment you've been looking for can flow in. That's what I'm doing in you.

And then...you're not going to believe this and I probably shouldn't even tell you so please don't go to the airport and turn up your nose in envy at the first class flyers just because you read this...but...

*whispering*

they brought me a WARM chocolate chip cookie, and I mean it was not just a little puny Pillsbury one either. It was like huge and heavenly and it melted in my mouth and I didn't even care how many calories it was, I just ate it. And it was so good.

And I just sat in that chair in the sky and thanked God for that big, sweet, chocolatey kiss....content and singing "Give me Jesus" all the way home.

Still Driving

And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:19

And then the miracles happened. One by one bills came in saying PAID. We knew God was holding us up, confirming His call and blessing our obedience. We found out that we'd have a salary by the way, about half of what we'd made before, so God cleared the way for us like the Red Sea parting. But like the Israelites, the long way home became harder and the grumbling got louder. The desert seemed too hot and the wilderness was lonely and boring. I missed the things I was used to having. I let go of stuff physically, but not mentally. It's harder to learn how to budget with less, when you're used to having more. We hadn't lived on this salary since Luke was born, and then to add to our fun and our faith, God gave us another little mouth to feed. I don't know if God let me be pregnant at the time the church was starting so I'd have a reason to hang back and watch all that happened because He knows that's how I usually am, but I'm really thankful because (not only do I now have a bubbly, beautiful baby girl) but it wasn't my time to fruitful in that way. It was my sole purpose to house a healthy little person and I needed time to observe anyway. I also continued serving with Spark ministries mission trips and of course, serving my own little mission field at home.

In October, I got to go to Longview again with SPARK but it was less of me running to minister somewhere else so I'd be blessed, and more of God teaching me that I could minister right where I was, if I just looked for the opportunity. The message that God kept sending my way, more than likely to prune me for such opportunities, was the same word I kept hearing and knew was because... I needed to change in my heart....discontment. So I prayed that God would take it out and give me a heart of contentment....happy with what I have, the tenth commandment. I haven't been happy. I've whined and complained and pouted and grumped. I've not been thankful in all things. I read once that God loves me just the way that I am, but He's not just going to leave me that way.

to be continued...

Driving

ohhh *sigh* where do I begin? God has been stretching out my heart in all kinds of places. I think I'll just list for you my thoughts and expound on them from there. Warning, this could be a long one, so I may have to post this as a series.

Thought #1

I love my husband. aLOT. He blesses me and serves me waaay more than I deserve. He does irk me sometimes in little ways, too like while driving, but he says it's just because I'm not in control. I say it's just because I don't want to die. But that's the adventure of living life with him. He takes me for a ride that usually scares me and is too far out of my comfort zone, but teaches me to let go and trust God to take care of me at the same time. His adventurous spirit is why we are here. It's also a reason I married him.

That brings me to yesterday, in our DRIVE series at RiverPoint; (now THAT's a segway!) he preached about giving and while talking about giving sacrificially, he brought up our call to come to Kansas. It is the first time I really remember crying during his sermon... tears of joy. (The first time I cried tears of mourning was Christmas Eve 2007, when I dreadfully missed our beloved church in Plano.) God has been working out my discontentment and I realized at that moment that He'd brought me a long way, if I could actually be thankful as Brad spoke about our move. I was happy and content, and that was an answered prayer of mine. God did that in me.

I remember sitting in our comfy living room on Eldorado with butterflies in my tummy knowing that things were about to change and my ground was shaking... again. Brad was talking to Tom about coming to pastor a new church plant in Kansas, without a name, without a place, without knowing anything about planting a church, and without any funds. with 4 other people. 4.

Now I was used to listening on the other end of the phone calls when another church was asking him to come be their music minister. I was getting used to the idea of moving. I was sorta used to meeting new people. I was used to him asking the question regarding his salary. I got used to the answer increasing with each phone call. So that probably made all of those other things I had to get used to....a lot easier. Amazing the balm that money is on the nerves of a material girl like me...and Madonna apparently. But that phone call was much different than all of the others. The answer to the question about our salary, our well-being, our family's future was, as Brad said "I. don't. know." He hung up and my ground stopped shaking. But he was wrecked. God was stretching Brad's faith and I was along for the ride. And just like in the car, I was whining and screaming and slamming the imaginary passenger's side brake. I'd never seen my husband take that big of a leap of faith and I was so proud, but then -hold the phone- he wasn't the one managing our money. He had no idea what kind of miracles it would take to say yes to a call like that. He had no idea what kind of commitment he was getting into when we had accrued so much debt, living on the salary that we had been living on. He stepped out in faith. I stepped in something else and left the footprints of it wherever I walked, sure that no one would notice if I were wearing designer shoes and a smile....

to be continued.

Simplicity and Joy

I have a toddler.

To her, everything is new and wildly fantastic. I can't wait for the holidays to see her eyes shine with wonder at the lights and trees and snow! She is fascinated by the simplest things.

I have 2 tweens.

They are increasingly less fascinated, but still find new things that excite them. Grace has lately been fascinated by horses. She has checked out every book in the library about them and can't wait to ride one! Luke has recently read a book that taught him how to play chess. He wants a set for Christmas, along with an electric guitar, and can't wait to play both of them for hours on end.

I miss being fascinated by simple things. I miss that wonder and newness of life.

I am anxiously anticipating a trip to Oregon to see my sweet friend, Betsy.

In high school, we were inseparable. We went church together; we were in pep club and then the drill team together. We listened to Edie Brickell and 10,000 Maniacs and Amy Grant and Bryan Adams together. (Everything I do, I do it for you...*girly sigh*) We were in the high school musical together. (Not that one! Ours were the originals AND they were good.) We watched Dirty Dancing a million times and Pretty Woman, a zillion! We decided together not to go to "those" parties and had fun just by going to the grocery store late at night, once we could drive. We had deep conversations about God and life and of course, boys. I think I always looked up to her because she was deeply rooted in God. She drew out the Joy in me and taught me to look for it in the simple things of life. We giggled a lot, but looking back I think we were closer than your average teenaged girls. We had a sister-like bond. We searched for Him together....through church, youth group, church camp, winter ski trips and other "mountain top" highs. We prayed together during times of trouble or fear. We experienced Him in the dailiness of high school and then tearfully said good-bye, hoping to stay in contact forever. We've maybe seen each other 3 times since, but we've kept in touch through letters, phone, email and now facebook.

I was thinking about why I am so excited to spend time with her again. I have always wanted to visit Oregon. She moved there without hesitation after spending her whole life in Texas. I was impressed at her adventurous spirit and also mystified at the attraction, so I'm looking forward to seeing where she lives and why she loves it. I am also looking forward to seeing her as a mommy. She has 3 beautiful little girls that look just like her and I'm sure they adore her. But I think I'm mostly looking forward to the giggles and comfort and a friendship that's easy; to spending time with someone who reminds me of the days when life was carefree, joy was found in the grocery store and the love between friends was pure, simple and refreshing.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Psalm 51:12

40 Days

God has been gently repeating to me these words: 40 days. So today starts my 40 days of being diligently focused on Him. I'll be devoting more time in His word, starting out by reading all of the times someone spent 40 days doing anything in the Bible. I'll be praying for purpose and clarity in my life. And today after reading and praying Psalm 37....I know God is calling me to forgive, let go and press on. He is also encouraging me to simplify. I'll check back but these are busy days in the life of Sal, so please be patient with me. He's still working on me.

He's still working on me. To make me what I ought to be. It took Him just a week to make the moon and the stars the sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars. How loving and patient He must be. He's still working on me.

Lord, Disturb Me

For a long time I was praying, "God please help me to be content", when what I really meant was "God please help me to be comfortable."  Now that I'm looking back, there was a lot of growth during that time.  God used my most uncomfortable times to change me into more of who He wanted me to be.  God used my disturbances to bring me closer to Him.  The fruit that has come from those times of uneasiness and fear has developed in me the desire to trust God with every season that includes change.  Life promises to be constantly changing, while God promises to be constant.

This is an email devotion sent to me from my friend, Rechenda by Pastor Marvin Williams.  It made this girl who hates change think about the way she prays from now on.

Lord, Disturb Me

I follow the Radical Rabbi named Jesus, but I am too safe, too comfortable, too undisturbed.

I hang the Do Not Disturb sign on the door of my life because I don't like my comfort, safety and status quo living being interrupted by the turbulence of big dreams, the deep waters of radical obedience, the rough seas of suffering, and the dark nights of uncertain adventures.

The other day, I ran across a prayer, written by Sir Frances Drake (explorer and naval pioneer during the Elizabethan era), that disturbed me. This prayer affected my spiritual equilibrium so much, that I want to share it with you, in hopes that it will disturb you like it did me.

Don't just gloss over the words; sit with it for a minute and then spend some time, dissecting and parsing its content. Then ask God to help you identify "smooth sailing" areas of your life. Next, ask him to disturb the places in your life where you are safe, comfortable, undisturbed.

Here's the prayer:

Disturb us, Lord, when we are too well pleased with ourselves, when our dreams have come true because we have dreamed too little, when we arrive safely because we have sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when with the abundance of things we possess, we have lost our thirst for the waters of life; having fallen in love with life, we have ceased to dream of eternity; and in our efforts to build a new earth, we have allowed our vision of the new heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly, to venture on wider seas where storms will show your mastery; where losing sight of land, we shall find the stars. We ask you to push back the horizons of our hopes; and to push us into the future in strength, courage, hope, and love.

I know I have been sailing too close to the shore lately and I am asking Jesus to disturb me to action.

In what areas have you become too comfortable and need to pray: "Lord, disturb me?" In what areas in your life have you been traveling too close to shore and need to pray: "Lord, disturb me?"

A Love Letter to Me

Below is the letter I wrote to myself this weekend, and I'm sharing it.  I share to encourage you, but also because this paper will soon be in a pile of trash somewhere and I want to remember it.    I'm just tired of worrying that I will say something wrong and someone will use it against me.  I'm tired of legalism.  I'm tired of people being so defensive towards pastors and their families.  Sometimes it seems that there are those just waiting for our family to screw up in one way or another so they can say throw stones at us.  I'm trusting God to take these worries and fears, so that I can just serve Him with joy, like we did this weekend. 

Dear Me,

I'm writing this letter to encourage you to keep your eyes on Jesus.  He is your rock.  Stand firmly in His hands and do not believe the lies that Satan tells you.  His lies are to take your eyes off of Jesus, the son of God Jehovah who protects you, provides for your every need and you CAN trust Him. I know it is hard to trust people, even church people, but God is the ONE to trust.  He and He alone will care for you and guide you into His truth, show you His ways and love you like NO other.  You belong to Jesus, everything else is just blessing and a source of revealing His glory in your life.  Your eternal home is just around the corner.  Look forward to that!  He is coming soon!

Love,

Me

He did this for me

The PASSION of CHRIST

What Your Pastor's Wife Wants You to Know

She loves her husband.
I made him for you.  

She wants Christ to come back soon.

I'm preparing a place for you. 

She is growing in her walk with the Lord.

I am always with you. 

She loves getting hugs, even though she's not naturally a hugger.

It's my arms that are hugging you. 

She cries when she's overwhelmed.

Come to me and I will give you rest.

She is just like you.

You are mine.

She never feels like she has it all together, but she wants you to think she does. 

I love you even if your shoes don't match your purse. 

She wants to sleep in some Sundays.

Come to me and I will give you rest.

She knows when she's not capable of being in public, but hopes you won't judge.  I am your only judge.

She isn't smiling 24/7, but it's not because she doesn't love Jesus.     Zeph. 3:17

She sometimes wants the phone to not ring.    When you call, I will answer.

She secretly wishes her husband wasn't the Pastor....sometimes.   Trust in my unfailing love.

She is probably unable to share her real prayer requests with you.  Cast your cares upon Me.  

She wonders if you can be trusted with her heart.

If I am for you, who can be against you?

She hurts deeply when her husband hurts. 

I am close to the brokenhearted.

She gets tired standing in the gap as Satan attacks.

I will give you strength.

She needs back up prayer warriors.

 I've got your back.

She is protective of her children.

I am their protector.

She tries hard to protect her husband.

Surrender him to me.

She will forgive, but has a hard time forgetting. 

I will help you forget.

She wants you to be honest, but not hurtful.  

I am the way the truth and the life. 

She wants to be honest, but is usually afraid to be.

You can be honest with me.

She wants to be herself, but is usually afraid you'll judge her.

Come to me with confidence, and I will give you grace and mercy.

She enjoys wearing cute clothes, but is afraid you'll question where your tithe is going.    Let go, and let me.  

She wants to keep her eyes on Jesus, but is constantly distracted.

I am holding your hand and will catch you when you fall.

She is certain of what she hopes for and sure of what she cannot see.

Someday you'll see clearly.

She is not the Proverbs 31 woman, at least not all in one day.  

Your identity is in Me.

She knows there is purpose in the pain.

For the joy set before you....endure.

She knows her Grandpa's sayin'...."Keep on keepin' on!"  

a blessed read

I don't get teary-eyed easily, but this article got to me.  I was blessed with God-bumps.  I want to be on this kind of a team. I want Christians to start cheering for the lost, instead of the Christians. I want my team to be this selfless.
And remember....
"You are just as valuable as any other person on planet Earth."