Therapy

I don't sit down to write because I don't sit down.  Much.  When I do sit down, or lay down...my brain is so tired that I feel the need to veg, like play a game on my phone that requires little to no thinking at all.  Sometimes I browse Pinterest and happen upon articles that make me go hmmm,  and I realize....I am stressed.  Stressed out.  Stressed beyond stopping to realize I'm stressed.  I'm not the type of person that analyzes my feelings and talks them out with the people around me.  I'm quite the opposite.  In the course of a day, feelings go by like a river current in the wind.  Days go by without much of a thought about how I feel, and suddenly I'm in the shower crying.  I have no idea why, but I'm just not one to sort out feelings in my brain from day to day.  I just exist.

I exist to: take care of my family, manage a household, teach my girls, teach a writing class at co-op, manage family finances, teach bible study and plan fellowships with college & 20s at church, make sure my family is fed and feel loved, make sure my older daughter gets to her doctor appointments and takes her medicines, make my younger daughter's lunches for school, help her do her homework and drive her to dance class, plan dentist appointments and flu shots and cheer for my son at football games.  Far and above all these things, I exist to glorify God.

I don't write because I'm too tired.  I'm too tired because I don't stop and write.  It's a cycle I know someday I will miss, but I do know I have to simplify.  I need to be more discerning about what is priority and what is not.  Why do I add things to my plate when it's already full?  I need to cut something, but what?  I know my heart is passionate about things and has distinct burdens only God could give me, but I don't know how to know where He's leading as a priority for me.  I sometimes feel like I'm the only one that has this burden so I must need to step up.  Maybe I feel like if I don't do it, no one will.  Maybe I think more of myself than I should.  Maybe I need to cut back to just caring for my family when I have a sick child, but I do not want her or any of my kids or hubs to become such an idol in my life, that I forget to trust Him first and foremost to do what He will in me and through me.  I want to fulfill the law of Christ by carrying the burdens of others, but I'm so tired from carrying my own.

I don't know what I need, but I knew I needed to write.  It's easier to sort out how I feel as I'm writing, I think.

Pause for random thoughts:
I can't find my colander.  It's a small thing but it's annoying.
I don't understand why the government is shut down and I don't have time to research it enough to know why.
I get more "I love you"s from my son in the line of a drive-thru than anywhere else ever.  I guess it's true that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach....even a man child.

I'm back from random land.  Not really.  I live there, but at least I'll visit reality once in a while.  Reality is....life is hard.  For everyone, not just me.  Everyone has a full plate.  Everyone is busy.  Everyone has burdens.  Everyone suffers in one way or another.  Everyone has something God gives them that puts them to the test, the faith test.  Does my faith stand up in the midst of suffering or fall?  Is my house built on The Rock, or the sand?  Where will I find my source of strength?  Where will I look when the waves of emotion swell?  These are the questions to find answers to, in order to continue putting one foot in front of the other.  Breathe, pray, repeat.

Maybe it's time to count my blessings again. Thankfulness always precedes a miracle, I've heard.  I could use a good miracle. Stay tuned...

Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item

My bed.

In peace I will both lie down and sleep,For You alone, O LORD, make me to dwell in safety.  Psalm 4:8

Day 6

Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day


I've thought this one over for a few days....and honestly, I wouldn't trade places with anyone for any amount of time.  I love my life.  I love who God is creating me to be.  I love where He has placed me, and who He has placed me with.  


I will however put a picture of someone I would love to spend the day with, just to glean some of her wisdom, watch how she lives firsthand and hear how God has molded her into the amazing teacher of God's Word that she is.

Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory

I have way too many memories to pick a favorite, so I'll put a picture of the person that shows up most often in my favorite memories.  :)  It's good to share life with someone you really, really like.  Even if he is kinda dorky.

May Days

May is my favorite month.  Can you guess why?


This looked fun, and I'm a few days behind, but here we go!!!  Go back to May 1 to see the first one.


Day 01 - A picture of yourself with ten facts
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show
Day 04 - A picture of your night
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory
Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day
Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate
Day 12 - A picture of something you love
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you
Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently
Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity
Day 19 - A picture and a letter
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget
Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change
Day 25 - A picture of your day
Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member
Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile
Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss
Day 31 - A picture of yourself smiling

Day 04 - A picture of your night

This sweet baby girl fell asleep on me at 7:30pm.  

Love these moments.

Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show

Day 02

- A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest

My mom is my best friend.  She knows me better than anyone and still likes me.  :)  She exudes joy and fun, but supports and encourages with wisdom from years of having a relationship with God.  She was a PK and a PW, a music teacher and now an ESL teacher.  Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with ten facts

10.  I have 2 daughters, 1 son, 1 brother, 2 sisters, 5 nieces & 4 nephews....and 1 dog.  (This is a picture of my newest niece, Brinley Kay when she was born a month ago.)
9.  I pay my 10 year-old daughter to play with my hair.
8.  My first best friend I met in first grade.  We had the same coat in the 3rd grade and people thought we were twins.  We still talk (or text) several times a month to this day.
7.  My first job, besides babysitting, was at an indoor amusement park in high school.  The first time I was told to clean up vomit....I quit.
6.  I have lived in 15 houses, 1 dorm room, 1 1-bedroom apartment, 1 very large 2-bedroom seminary apartment, 1 lovely 3 bedroom apartment & 1 maids quarters in Eastborough!
5.  I enjoy buying/having many calendars and journals.  I have no idea why.
4.  I am double-jointed.  This means nothing.
3.  I like peanut butter on my pancakes.
2.  I sang my first solo at my aunt & uncle's wedding when I was 3.  The recording of it was played as my flower girls walked down the aisle.
1.  Billy Joel was my first concert ever when I was 17.

My Bio

My favorite character in the Bible is:  Besides Jesus, the woman who touched his cloak Matt.9:20-21

My life verse is: Hebrews 12:2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
If I could ask God one question, it would be: Why spiders?
Nobody knows that I: almost took a different path down the wrong road, and that I'm so grateful for God's guiding hand in my life.
I'm happiest when: I'm in the center of God's love and my husband's arms.
On my iPod: Broadway, Worship, Country, Jazz, Big Band, 80s, Oldies, Classical...
The one book (besides the Bible) I'd recommend to anyone is:  The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer
My last meal would be: a McGuire's salad, A Saltgrass steak and then The Melting Pot for dessert
I'm most excited about: seeing Jesus face to face.
My trademark expression is:  Let go and let God
The team I root for most is: The Dallas Cowboys
My proudest moment is: hearing my kids talk about Jesus. 3 John 1:4
If I could, I'd: like to teach the world to sing, in perfect harmony.  Ok, not really but I do believe the children are our future and we should teach them well and then at the appropriate age of course, let them lead the way.  I'd also rid the world of evil, but I don't have a song about that.  Sorry.
My pet peeve is: mediocrity, disloyalty, artificiality & trains (They're so 1890's.)
My perfect day would be: bible study on the beach, lunch & mani/pedi with girlfriends, shopping with and for my kids, then a date on Broadway with my hottie.

My favorite childhood memory is: the daily reunion with our daddy when he came home from work
In my free time, I: write. 
My favorite TV show is: The bachelor/bachelorette (I'm a sucker for a love story...fiction and otherwise.)
Three people I would want to have a meal with: Ruth Bell Graham, Laura Bush & my grandma (who lives in heaven)
I would spend $1,000: taking my husband to NYC for our 15th anniversary.

Wanted: An Exciting Testimony!

Have you ever wished your testimony were a bit more exciting?  I have.  Sometimes I hear stories of the drastic change when people were saved and all that they went through, and feel almost jealous that I don't have such a great testimony to share.   That's another lie from Satan I've been prone to listen to over the years.  I'm so blessed to have met Jesus at an early age and then, while I walked away in college to live in my own will (sin- and I did go my own way....you wouldn't have liked me.) I knew the Holy Spirit was calling me back, and after a time of surrender when I just couldn't do life without Him any more, I did choose Him and His will and began a gradual growing process that I continue even today.

Today I read a short devotion by Beth Moore that touched on just that...

Few of us have experienced the dramatic conversion Paul went on to describe in Acts 22, but don't think your testimony is meaningless on that basis.  Every conversion cost the same amount of Christ's blood shed on the cross.  Yours is just as meaningful as the most dramatic conversion ever told.  In the parable of the prodigal son, the elder brother felt insulted because the father accepted his brother after a season of wild living.  He didn't understand the biggest difference between the two brothers was that the prodigal son had to live with the personal loss and suffering.  If your conversion was less sensational than others, praise God for less drama!  With it probably came less pain!  You don't have to see a bright light from heaven to have a story to tell others.  The determining factor is not how exciting your conversion was but how excited you are now about your conversion.  As we share testimonies, we can help unbelievers see all that we've gained since Jesus came into our hearts, all the ways our lives have been blessed and enhanced by His presence within us.  We often have no idea how much people are struggling to find reason to live.

I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.  Galatians 2:20

My Name Poem

Sally
It means princess, blessed, daughter of the King,
It is the number 16,
It is like the smell of cotton candy,
It is the beach in Cancun at dawn,
It is the memory of Grandma Lois,
Who taught me God's love and power,
When she prayed for me,
My name is Sal,
It means my life is hidden in Christ.

You can make your own instant name poem HERE.

No One Mourns the Wicked

Put your iTunes, windows media player, etc., on shuffle. 2. For each question, press next to get your answer. 3. You must write that song name down no matter how silly it sounds.

If someone says "Are you okay" you say? Heaven is the Face by Steven Curtis Chapman

How would you describe yourself? A Gift of Life by Michael Card

What do you like in a guy/girl? Porgi Amor by Mozart (translated is "Give Love" and I do love a man who gives LOVE with all of his heart and soul....I'm a blessed girl.)

How do you feel today? Hold Me Jesus by Rich Mullins

What is you life's purpose? Una Voce Poco Fa by Rossini (translated is "a voice just for now"....I love it.)

What is your motto? Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton

What do your friends think of you? The Heart of Worship

What do your parents think of you? In My Daughter's Eyes by Martina McBride

What do you think about often? Baby Blue by George Strait

What is 2+2? It's a Hard Knock Life from Annie

What do you want to be when you grow up? His Eye is on the Sparrow (Either I wanna be a bird, or I want to sing because I'm happy and sing because I'm free...)

What do you think of your best friend? I've Had the Time of My Life from Dirty Dancing

What do you think when you see the person you like? Carol of the Bells by George Winston (this song can be annoying, but this rendition is beautiful....beautiful.)

What will you dance to at your wedding? Happy Working Song from Enchanted (ha! now that's funny.)

What will they play at your funeral? Vivaldi's Gloria: Domine Deus (translated LORD GOD)

What is your hobby/interest? Resurrection by Nicol Sponberg

What is your biggest fear? Where is Love? from Oliver

What is your biggest secret? Little Known Facts from You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown (haha, so many little known facts I'm keeping a secret. muahhahaha....luckily you're in just the right place to find them out!)

What do you want right now? You Raise Me Up by Selah (I guess I want someone to help me get out of this chair.)

What do you think of your friends? Beautiful One by Jeremy Camp (I do have very beautiful friends.)

What will your child's first word be? Home Sweet Home by Carrie Underwood

What do you say when you look in the mirror? Dancing Queen by Abba (that's so not right. I would NOT want to see myself dancing I can tell you that for sure.)

What did you say in your sleep last night? For Unto Us a Child is Born from Messiah by Handel (If I had sung that song in my sleep, everyone else would have woken up.)

What will you publish this post as? No One Mourns the Wicked from Wicked

Shaking it off...

I've been thinking about this post for a while so bear with me as the words stumble out....maybe even a few tears.

If you don't know me very well, this might come as a shock.....but....I'm not the nurturing, compassionate type of mom. My theory when my kids fell down and skinned their knees was "oh, shake it off". Yeah....that is as sad as it looks. I guess I've been through things in life that I've personally deemed "worthy" of genuinely pouting over. I don't know why I think my assessment table is the right one. I think it's an oldest child trait, though....or so I've read.

For some reason my own theory and advice to "shake it off" isn't working. And now I come to the point of this post....I'm angry, people. My pain has turned to anger in my heart and I need to fix it now or bitterness will take root. Pain does that, doesn't it?

I was just talking about pain last night with my son. Pain, though it stinks, is an extremely necessary part of life. We talked about those living with the disease that causes them to NOT feel pain. Most boys would think this disease would be great to have....like Superman. You could put your finger in the fire and not feel the burn. The problem is that.... if you're not able to feel pain then you can't fix the problem and could end up dying (from blood loss, open skin wounds getting infected, etc.) so pain is actually a good thing. It leads us to fix the root problem and avoid what led to the pain in the first place.

*sigh* When I'm still tearing up every time I see a pregnant mom or a newborn baby, I know I haven't shaken it off. So I set out to figure it out.....What is wrong with me??? Why can I not just get over this???

I'm not so much angry at God (like I was the first time I miscarried) as I am at my body. I'm angry that it failed me, even when I did everything right. I ate the right things, avoided the right things, took my prenatal vitamins....and it still didn't work. I came to the realization that when I lost our baby this June, I rebelled against my body that failed me by eating/drinking whatever I wanted. I was angry. If I'd eaten all the right things and it still failed me, what was the point of trying... anyway? (another trait of an oldest child....fyi.)

So here I am....asking God to heal my heart. I have learned that He is the only one that can change me. I've tried it on my own....as strong as my will is (*cough*oldest child)....it still isn't strong enough to heal the pain and turn it to His good. Sunday at church , sitting with a friend who is also in the midst of pain, God showed me through her and through His word that it was time. It's time to fix this. It's time as Jamie said, "to lay it down at the cross, let go and walk away".

As I prayed that God would show me how to deal with my pain....my eyes found this....

This was in accordance with the eternal purpose which He carried out in Christ Jesus our Lord, in whom we have boldness and confident access through faith in Him. Therefore I ask you not to lose heart at my tribulations on your behalf, for they are your glory. Ephesians 3:11-13

My pain and loss was in accordance with the eternal purpose He has lined out for me already in progress. He was telling me that I can bring my brokenness to Him boldly and confidently, knowing He will take it for me and already did on the cross. Then it's like He spoke my language when He said..."I ask you not to lose heart..." ("shake it off") :) for these tribulations-- (and this is my favorite part...) THEY ARE YOUR GLORY. In other words, this is your story in which I, your Creator, the One and Only, Alpha and Omega, I, Jehovah....get the glory! You're only in the middle of the story, but it's time to turn the page. Take the next step which is just as easy as....follow me.

So my next step...

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Romans 12:1

Which led me to the desire to learn more about fasting....

"Fasting is like hitting a reset button, both physically and

spiritually. As we go about our daily lives, there are things that can build up

over time and we can start to lose our spiritual focus. Fasting is like a deep

cleaning both spiritually and physically that helps us take our minds off the

things of this world and instead gives us a fresh spiritual focus. It’s all about

drawing closer to God."

This is from a fasting guide for YOUTH. They also have one for kids....which is wonderful! I have bookmarked the devotional guide for adults. If you are looking for a great way to end 2010 or begin 2011...this is it!

I believe strongly that fasting is a personal decision between me and God, so I won't be posting the details of how and when I decide to do it. I just wanted to post my testimony.... what God's doing in my life so that you know you're not alone. Your circumstances may not be mine, but everyone deals with pain. This is my story of how God worked in mine, compassionately healed me, asked me to come boldly to His cross and "shake it off"...and led me to follow Him again from this day on.

15 seconds of fame.. ?

In July I was honored to sing in my friend Amy's wedding. Amy is the beautiful daughter of my dear friend, Molly who founded SPARK Ministry. Her wedding will be a part of a reality show on TLC called Four Weddings. I just found out that this episode is set to air Friday, October 1st. I don't know if I will actually be on or not. If I am it will be quick, so set that DVR! :) I did have to sign a waiver, so there is a good chance. Very exciting! I'm singing 2 songs with Brad's good friend, Garth Smith. Listen for "The Prayer" and a worship song called "One Pure & Holy Passion".

TV Guide talks about it here, and I'm pretty sure that Amy's wedding is the "elaborate sit-down meal festooned with sparkling decor." :)

Mother's Day Weekend

• Brunch with my RPC sisters, Mom, Melissa, Carrie, & Alan's Mom
• Tea with my Aunt Dalene, Mom, sister & cousins ...aka the Hutson girls
• Church with my parents
• Birthday Dinner with my parents!
• New pool lounge chair & beach towel from my parents!
• New Laura Bush book & pool float [complete with cup holders!] from my husband and kids!
• Card & Necklace made with love from my Grace
• Lunch with my Mother-in-law, Sister-in-law and her in-laws
• Evening resting
• Dreaming of the new little life joining our family in November.
• Thankful for the women in my life who've made me who I am.
• Thankful for the loving husband and beautiful children who made me a Mom.
• Blessed to be exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Doppelganger

In the vernacular, the word "doppelgänger" has come to refer (as in German) to any double or look-alike of a person.

Doppelganger is a funny word and facebook is funny about getting all hyped up over certain trendy topics, so I'm just conforming and joining right in! (This time...but don't tell me to repost things about the people I love, and causes I should believe in, and stats about who will and who won't... cuz chances are, I won't.)

When I was little and used to sing in church, people would tell me that I reminded them of Shirley Temple, though I'm not nearly as cute.

From her side ponytail to her awesome Caboodles, Deb from Napoleon Dynamite totally sums up my middle school and high school years.

Jodie Foster: I've been told more than once that I look like her. Maybe if she'd gain some weight I'd see it. Darn her!

Helen Hunt: Yeah, don't I wish!

j/k = just kidding.

I would love to have her dress though.

Why Serve God?

When I was in high school, I asked my youth pastor a question. At the time, I was a "good girl". I even had a t-shirt that said I was, and had a group of friends with those t-shirts, too. It's funny now, but it was just a fad then. I remember this question because I was confused about things I'd grown up in church learning and wanted to know basic answers to what life was all about. I didn't understand why some people could be blessed so much, and still follow the ways of the world, while I was trying so hard to be holy and didn't seem or feel blessed at all.

"What difference does it make if I am good or not?"

In other words, what good is it for me to be good? WHY follow Jesus? WHY serve God?

And for the next 5-10 years, I searched for those answers. Searching is good. I'm still searching and will never have all of the answers until I die. But that was/is part of my experience, my testimony, my journey to my salvation. [By the way, my youth pastor didn't answer me. I'm not sure if he didn't know how to answer me or if I seemed pious and judgmental as I asked, but I remember feeling embarrassed that I asked. A lesson for youth pastors: I Peter 3:15]

The first answers came as I wanted to know what GRACE was all about. That was the first word I studied in-depth. Then I studied FAITH, which is being sure of you what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see. (Use Beth Moore's Believing God study for a good reference or just Hebrews 11.) This belief I have in God is based on the faith I have in Him and His word....who He says He is (God IS Love & then I studied His names in the OT- Kay Arthur has a study called Lord, I Want to Know You that I have done 3 times and still would do again.) When you study His names, you also are studying His promises in His Word. They go hand in hand. Then I studied my identity in Christ, finding in His Word every time it says "I am..." or "We are...".

I am changed into a new creation of flesh and spirit because of the Holy Spirit's dwelling in me as soon as I let Him in. This FAITH increases every time I put my FAITH in Him and let Him work in my life. By His GRACE I am saved from myself and the pit of sin I lived in. The pit of sin was darkness, loneliness and an emptiness in the hole of my soul. It's pull on my life made me feel worthless, like there was no way I could continue on in this life. What I learned later was, if I wasn't serving God....I was serving Satan by default. God placed that hole in my soul, then waited as a groom waits for His bride, as a gentleman, and when I found out I couldn't live without Him anymore, He rescued me. He picked me up, dusted me off, turned me around and said "There is a difference and I AM the difference." I've learned that it isn't about being good, it's about being God's.

I love knowing that someday because I have FAITH in the eternal inheritance He has waiting for me when I die, that I will see what I've been hoping for and certain of. I will see Him: my Savior, my Father, my Teacher, my Friend, my love.

Malachi 3: ¹⁴ "You have said, 'It is futile to serve God. What did we gain by carrying out his requirements and going about like mourners before the LORD Almighty? ¹⁵ But now we call the arrogant blessed. Certainly the evildoers prosper, and even those who challenge God escape.' "

¹⁶ Then those who feared the LORD talked with each other, and the LORD listened and heard. A scroll of remembrance was written in his presence concerning those who feared the LORD and honored his name.

¹⁷ "They will be mine," says the LORD Almighty, "in the day when I make up my treasured possession. I will spare them, just as in compassion a man spares his son who serves him. ¹⁸ And you will again see the distinction between the righteous and the wicked [translated in hebrew as "restless"--translated by Sal as trying everything to fill that void other than the One who created it.] between those who serve God and those who do not.

I found this the other day and it reminded me of this question and how sometimes we forget why we're serving God when the people of the world look like they're being blessed, whether they are serving Him or not. We don't see the big picture, but He does and trusting that He does is another part of my FAITH. I love being His "treasured possession".

Thank you God for inviting me to serve You. It's an honor to be Yours.

If you want to hear more stories of those who've chosen to serve God, spend some time here.

Saturday 7

1) Which is your favorite language other than your native language? Italian
2) How many times or how often do you take your dog out for a walk? never
3) Which super power would you like to have and why? Flying would be fun and make traveling more convenient.
4) If I take a look inside your refrigerator what would I find? Well if you really need to be nosy....yogurt, apples, milk, barbecue sauce, eggs, bacon, orange juice, diet coke, apple butter, raspberry jam, leftover chinese food, some kind of muck at the bottom
5) During your child hood what was your favorite Sunday comic? (we called them "the funnies") Family Circus or Garfield
6) Do you like Jerry or Tom? Feel sorry for Tom, think Jerry needs to chill
7) What is your favorite cartoon? Jetsons....soooo 2010.

7 Things on my mind right now....

1) Getting a Texas fix... going to Dallas for Thanksgiving.

2) Christmas shopping

3) My sweet college friend, Michelle and her family, moving to California this week.

4) Learning the music to "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown" for CYT.

5) Getting back to walking/losing weight

6) Putting tile down in my 70's carpeted kitchen

7) Friends who are going through tough times.

7 Things I love about my husband...

1) He let me take a nap today.

2) He changes poopie diapers quite often for a man.

3) He makes me laugh without meaning to.

4) He talks about spiritual things with me.

5) He gives me hugs even when I don't feel very huggy, and then somehow I do.

6) He looks gooooood.

7) He gets me.

Random Fact About Me #859

When eating a package of any colorful, fruit chewy candy.....like Skittles, Starburst or Sprees, I take out the yellow, orange and green and only eat the red and purple. I figure why waste the precious calories on the ones I don't really like, and it's always nice to share. This fact has been true since my jr.high/high school days. So if there's anyone out there that only like the opposite colors I like, save the red and purple for me. I'll be your friend forever.