I must have learned sometime long ago that happiness is based on circumstances. Why is being happy regardless of my circumstances so hard? Where is that JOY the Holy Spirit promises to bestow? When will I let go of "my will" and cling steadfastly to HIS? These are the questions of a tired girl. Tired of the enemy aggravating me and my family. Tired of nagging thoughts which lead to fear. Tired of weaknesses being used against me. Tired of being discontent. Tired of holding on to what I had. Tired of whining. Tired of being tired.
So I'm putting on that armor and holding up His Word, hoping that the ministry will be an easier place to live in the days to come....or, that I'll just be stronger and more at peace with where He's leading me and what He's giving me. I will hold on to God's promises, no matter my feelings or circumstances, and let go of my own selfish need for control. I know that He is good and sovereign and He WILL have the victory if we hold onto His hand through the battle.
A song by Sierra has been the background music in my head...
This time I've got to trust You
I've got to accept Your plan
I have tried to guide my circumstance
But there's just no way I can
When will I learn this lesson
Your ways are not like mine
Lord, help me to surrender
The control I try to have on my life
When I let it go
You take my hand and gently lead me
Then You let me know
Just how peaceful my life can be
When I let it go
Your never-ending blessings
Like a river start to flow
When I let it go
Too many times I'm searching
For the things I think I need
When I try to look for more
I always seem to give You less of me
Lord, help me gain this wisdom
My foolish mind still lacks
'Til I find a way to let go
Of the part of me I'm holding back
