My sister-in-law is soon graduating from Dental Hygiene school. She's noticed that when she tells people that, they immediately keep their teeth from showing, talking weirdly and smiling with closed lips. Isn't that interesting that just a moment before it didn't matter whether she saw their yellow teeth or not? I remember times when I've told someone that I'm a Pastor's Wife. There was a strange reaction as if trying to replay our conversation, in case of....I don't know what? Maybe cuss words? They have no other information about me, but suddenly I've been judged. They assume I'm judging them. They have no idea that if they did cuss I probably didn't even notice with all the words from my past mouth stuck in a drawer somewhere in my head, only coming out during ouch times and near car-wrecks. I'm not offended. I have tried to clean that part of my life up, but it doesn't change them in my eyes.
Last night at Walmart (went and braved the roads for a peaceful, uncrowded shopping experience---and we needed formula) my first thought was to judge my cashier. Her hair was greasy, badly-colored and well, she just wasn't nice. I could just stay in my world and out of hers, but this Revolutionary Love series is beating at my heart. So I asked her when she gets off. A simple question led to her story. She lives 45 minutes away and doesn't get off until 11:30. She's worried about her drive home. I'd be grumpy too. Suddenly getting into her life, I saw her in a different way. Judging her not through my ignorance, but through God's eyes...
I've said it before. Everyone should wear a sign. We should all have personal "escape clauses" around our necks that say this is where I'm coming from, and what I've been through in life. Maybe even a list of medications would be good. :) Something that tells people to just chill. It's just me, and I'm just like you, and we're all in this messed-up world, so let's all just get along and figure it out together. (Wow, i think Michael Jackson could write a song like that. Who wants to get in touch with him? See what I mean? Judging. It's what we do.)
Does anyone else get tired of being judged? Tired of being approved or disapproved? Tired of trying so hard to live up to the status quo? Or just tired of trying to figure out what that is?
Here's what I think we're all asking deep down inside:
Could you just give me some grace please?
And more specifically, in my case:
When can I just be a girl that's not attached to certain expectations? When will it not matter if my dad's that guy and my husband's that preacher man?
I'm so looking forward to just being me....when that day comes.
Here's a revelation appropriately from the book of Revelation: I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it. (2:17)
When we get to heaven, Jesus will call us by a new name. Yep. Not the name Mom gave us, or the nickname Uncle Bob gave you. (Doesn't everyone have an Uncle Bob?) This is a special name that only Jesus knows. What's so great about this name is that when you hear it, you'll know it too. Did you see that? *smile* You'll know. You'll hear that name, and you'll sigh a HUGE sigh of relief. "That's me!!!!" you'll say. "THAT's who I am and who I've been all this time. THAT's who You've been creating me to be." and the relief will be better than a 4-hour full-body, deep tissue massage. It will be like "Yesssss. Jesus knew me this whole time, and even when I'd work so hard to be who I thought I needed to be, and even when I tried so hard to be everything everyone else wanted me to be.....Jesus knew. He knew me all along. (Revelation 2:17)
The next chapter says more...
Now we're all set. We have a new name....our identity in Christ, a place....a HOME in which we belong and we have HIS name because....we are His. When we acknowledge Him to be our Saviour and rest in the relationship He has for us, we get a new identity. My prayer for myself is that I'll stop trying to be what I think I am or should be and stop assuming people should be whatever I assume, and start seeing them and myself in the identity He already has established in heaven....and let Him create me right into that new name. I want to see myself and others through His eyes. That's my Christmas Wish for me and for you.
