Facebook Status Rejects (Rant)

• is chillaxin'.....is not a status worthy of my time. Please have the courtesy to be interesting.
• knows what day it is, Mr./Mrs. obvious person.
• is annoyed by updates that are directly talking to certain persons of which are not ME!
• doesn't speak "beat around the bush", so just come out with it already!
• did not join facebook to save the whales or feed the children. Yes, those things are important in life, just don't think fb is the time or place, so sorry to be coldhearted but I have to do this: ignore.
• plays games too, but doesn't post her score every SINGLE time! Bragger.
• shares your depression at times but give it a rest once in a while, Mrs. Pouty Pouterson.
• is working.... is not a status worthy of my time, nor is it true, now is it?!
• thinks you might be lying just a tad when you are "swimming with the dolphins" and facebooking at the same time. hmmmm
• is really sorry your dad died but is freaked out by your profile pic of his [open] coffin.
• thinks that bragging about your party last weekend and posting drunk people pics doesn't make you look as cool as you think it does. (*whispering* especially because you're 36.)
• doesn't feel like reading a NOVEL when she comes to facebook. Get a blog!
• would really appreciate grammar & punctuation being used correctly, so she doesn't feel the strong inherent urge to comment on your incorrectness!!!!
• thinks speaking in the 3rd person is fun and it's fine when she does it, but YOU can't!