let them bring me to Your holy mountain, to the place where You dwell.
Then I will go to the altar of God, to God, my joy and my delight.
I will praise You with the harp, O God, my God.
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.
Psalm 43:3-5
I have suffered from depression since high school. I didn't know that that's what it was called until after I had my baby, Grace 10 years ago. They called it postpartum, but it was just a more intense version of what I'd always experienced. I don't understand the physical body and why my mind so easily gets trapped in darkness, but it does. In high school, friends would annoy me with the words, "Cheer up!". (That doesn't work, in case you're wondering.) Those words mean nothing to someone feeling so down in the dumps. I wish I could say that all it takes to "snap out of it" is reading God's Word and prayer time with Him. That's what I thought for years, which made me feel even worse because I MUST not be doing it right, or being a "good enough" Christian if I still felt so down. It's an imbalance in my brain that needs medication to set it right. Medication is not something to be ashamed of; I recently heard someone say that it's just the same as getting glasses for weak eyesight. I believe that the psalmist who wrote the above Psalm knows the battle of depression. We want the joy of His presence and to feel the mountaintop high and yet as wonderful as the mountaintop feels, it's so hard to stay there. The lows come quickly and without warning, and we end up deep in down in the valley. Verse 5 says (in my own words), okay so here's what to do when you're down in the valleys: HOPE. Put your hope in God. Yes, this feeling stinks, and it may not go away soon, but there is HOPE. Look up. That mountain is right there, which means HE is there. HE will never leave you, and HE is the joy-giver, so HOPE. Look up and praise Him anyway. "I will YET praise Him." The "yet" means that even though you don't feel like it, you praise Him. THAT is a sacrifice of praise. That means You know the God of the mountain, but you also know that He is faithful to be the God of the valley. So praise Him wherever You are, and know that You are loved.
