My heart is broken. I have a hole inside that will take much time to heal. A child I never knew came inside and started to form and left before we could know him. I went for a normal monthly check-up Wednesday and there was no heartbeat. Brad was at the airport in San Diego when I told him. He caught an earlier flight back.
In many ways I've felt God's presence telling me He's still here. He still loves me. He still wants me to trust Him. I can't tell you that I'm not angry with Him. I feel more than a little hurt. But, I know He knows the BIG picture and His Word tells us to give thanks, even in things we don't understand and bring pain. I know I will be okay and I will learn to trust Him through this, so that I will trust Him more than I have before. I know these things.....still, I am overwhelmed with sadness. Each day will get better. Each breath will be easier.
"Weeping may last for a moment, but joy comes in the morning." Ps. 30:5
This is how I know God exists and He dwells within me, loving me, comforting me, and speaking to me in my language.....These are the words of a song I have sung before, that have been going through my head many times since Wednesday. I have not sung this song as a solo for at least 5 years.
"You can trust Me.
Though you can't see.
You can trust Me.
The way may be steep.
You can trust Me.
Let me lead.
Trust Me."
