33

For a few more months, I will be the age Jesus was when He died for me. I have wondered at times what His 20's were like. What was He doing? ...because we don't hear anything about Him in God's Word between the age of 13, when He teaches in the synagogue and then when He begins His ministry at age 30. Now that I am His age at the time of His greatest ministry, I can understand a bit more about why he waited until His 30's to begin. The 20's are a crazy decade. Looking back from 20 to 30, I went through so much, and learned so much simply through experience. I grew up. At 20, I questioned everything, still not knowing what to study and afraid of failing everyone. At 21 & 22, I was completely independent and strong-willed, selfishly pushing myself to be the best in order to "make it to the top", still questioning and fearing my future, unsure of God's will for me. At 23, in love & in a crazy burst of passion, I got married, and faced a huge turn around from the previous years, so I began seeking God. At 24, I had a baby, who was completely dependent on unstable me, so I began to depend on my Father even more. From 25 to 29, I moved 3 times, had another baby, and spent countless hours in bible studies, learning that with each new day, I needed and now wanted to know Him more. My 20's changed me. I went from a bottomless pit of fear & selfish ambition, to a plateau of contentment because of the peace & grace God had given me. I went from a lonely independence in myself to a desperate yet secure dependence on God. I went from unfulfilled to fulfilled and sure of what God is doing in me. I've matured, because He took my hand and led me down the road. I simply had to reach up and give Him my hand, at about age 23 and every day since. So....I don't know what all Jesus went through in His 20's, but I know He got some questions answered, and He learned to depend on His Father. By 30, I just understood who God was creating me to be a lot better than I did at 21. I know who I am and I'm secure in that. Now at 33, I'm not afraid of anything, because I know fear doesn't come from my Father. I'm not questioning His will for me as long as I am abiding in Him. I'm finally ready to say....not my will, Father, but thine be done, because He is faithful and so good to me. And it's only taken this long road to figure that out.